The Web of Fudge

The Anthology of Seasons

2012-01-29T00:44:00.003+08:00

Dear all,

I've decided to return to my poetry roots. From 1999 to 2006 I wrote over 300 pieces of poetry which shared in my joy and got me through my toughest times. Collectively, I put them together into a personal collection of sorts I call The Anthology of Seasons.

I recently dug up my long-forgotten poems, and I while I'm in the midst of rediscovering myself, I would like to share some of them with you. They may be found at these locations:

The Anthology of Seasons Overview

Book I: The Thin Black Book

Book II: The Book of Flying Colours

The Anthology of Seasons consists of several books, and I will be making some of the poetry available to everyone over time.

In the meantime, I've made a resolution to go back to the Anthology and to find myself again in the process.

I would like to ask everyone to wish me well for this quest.

The Stream of Life - 2011 In Retrospect

2012-01-03T18:22:00.000+08:00

It’s the end of the year again. And you guys know what thismeans.

It means that it’s time for me to do a recap of all (or atleast, most) of the major events that have occurred in my life over the pastyear. This, even though I have seem to have neither the time nor the will toblog as much as I used to.

Okay, I’ll admit that this post is a few days overdue. I’llget to that point later on.

So, let’s just do this:

1. Got married

Yep, I gave up my singlehood status and moved on to the nextphase of my life, namely, marriage.

It’s been (almost exactly) one year, and I still feel newly-married.Well, that can’t be a very bad thing.

2. Cultural Learnings of Turkey for Make BenefitGlorious Nation of Singapore

Okay, only Istanbul, but to be sure, that place is awesomeenough for you to spend seven nights at without ever getting sick of it.

There was something for the both of us. For the history buff(me), there were monuments and places of interest galore from two of thegreatest empires in world history (the Roman and Ottoman Empires).

For the FS, there was the largest permanent bazaar on theplanet.

Oh yeah.

3. 2XU Compression Run

I broke my ‘half-marathons and above only’ rule by takingpart in this run.

The only reason why I took part in this 12km race is becauseof the 2XU calf tights and singlet that they were giving out. That’s worth someserious money, all right?

4. Sundown Marathon

This was a washout that was so promising.

I left home at 8.30pm in order to make it for the 10pm starttime. Unfortunately, traffic management was so bad that I had to sprint thelast three kilometres to the start line (with my gym bag) just to make it intime for the start.

And it spite of all that, I managed to get a timing of 4 hrs58 minutes, which was just three minutes off my personal best.

I’m still pretty pissed thinking about it.

5. Cultural Learnings of Malaysia for Make BenefitGlorious Nation of Singapore (Part I)

This was just a short trip to KL to celebrate the FS’s uncle’sbirthday.

Nothing much to say, except that the trip was pretty smoothand well-planned.

6. Marina 21k

This was another poorly-organized race. The venue waspoorly-chosen, with the entire race converging into one single lane at manyparts of the race. At one point all the runners had to converge into one singlefile.

The organizers tried to manage things at the last minute bysegregating the runners into elite and non-elite categories, but a lot of n00bsthought too highly of themselves and joined the elite group.

Listen, n00bs. You think too highly of yourselves, youdeserve all the brickbats that you’re getting. I can run 21 clicks in under 2hours, and I don’t see myself as elite. So if you can’t even match my pace,then you think too highly of yourselves, and you deserve a buttstroke to thehead.

7. Army Half-Marathon

Finally, one solid, well-organized race. I guess that’s onlyto be expected, considering that it was the Army that organized this race, andthey already have many years of experience in this field.

Even better, I hit a new personal best of 1 hr 50 minutes.Hoo-ah!

8. Newton 30k

The final race of the year, for me at least. I was aimingfor the Standard Chartered Marathon in December, but it coincided with mybrother’s wedding, so I’m forced to be contented with this race.

I don’t have any major complaints here, barring the factthat according to my GPS, I ran an extra 2 kilometers. Which is pretty sad,because that led to a timing of 3 hr 12 minutes, which is 12 minutes over mytarget of 3 hours.

9. High-Key ICT

This was the most siong in-camp I have ever had since IORD-ed seven years ago.

The outfield mission wasn’t the worst I ever had. Itconsisted of a heli-insertion, a 6-8km bash through the jungle, the attack of aFIBUA objective, and an all-out defence of the objective (which quitesurprisingly didn’t come under attack).

What made it really terrible was the massive increase in mycombat load due to the increase in the total load of the medical pack I had tocarry. It didn’t help that the stretcher was still old school and doubled theweight unnecessarily. My shoulders, pecs and back were rippling in pain thewhole way through.

That said, my efforts were rewarded, in a way. I was votedBest Commander of HQ Platoon for my company. Hoo-ah!

10. Cultural Learnings of Malaysia for MakeBenefit Glorious Nation of Singapore (Part II)

If the first trip was well-planned and executed, I can’t saythe same for this one.

I don’t want to say more, lest I be accused of muckrackingon the public domain. Let’s just say that bad incidents are difficult enough,but bad responses to those incidents just make things worse.

In a nutshell……

I know you guys are (probably) complaining over how my postson this blog are no longer as frequent or as passionate as it once was. Okay, Iknow there aren’t that many of you out there who actually follow this blogreligiously even when my posts came fast and furious in the past. But ofcourse, I’m not exactly writing this blog for anyone else. I’m writing it formyself.

If that sounds a little selfish, then it probably is meantto be. The truth is that I write this blog as a means of catharsis after a longday at school, or work, or whatever it is that I’m doing. And it is that pointthat scares me: if I can’t even write for myself anymore, then where does itleave this blog?

I haven’t forgotten the fate of the Anthology of Seasons. Tothose not in the know (and I know most of you aren’t in the know), that is thename I gave to the collection of poetry that I wrote from 1999 to 2006. It wasTHE Web of Fudge before there even was a Web of Fudge. And somewhere along theway in 2006 I simply lost the will to write in verse any more.

I suppose I no longer find any interest to do the things Iused to enjoy doing because of some health issues I’ve been having. It’snothing serious, really, except that it’s not exactly something any of youwould want to have either. Suffice to say that I’m doing my level best toconquer this problem, but not everything can be conquered easily.

So where does this leave you, Fudgie? Where are you on thestream of life? Are you letting yourself drift away into nothingness, or areyou going to rise up and stand tall and count for something?

I don’t know. At this point in time, I really don’t know.

That is a question I’m gonna have to answer.

Go, Web!!!!

The same stream of life that runs through my veins night andday
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth innumberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth and of death,
in ebb and in flow

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment

- The Stream of Life/ Praan

Rabindranath Tagore, Palbasha Siddique, Garry Schyman

Jason Neo

2011-11-19T22:27:00.001+08:00

Jason has been getting a lot of people hot under the collar recently.

Wrong Jason.

Unless you haven't been following the chatter on both cyberspace and the print media, you should know which Jason I'm talking about. Yes, Jason Neo, that guy who saw it fit to use a picture of a busload of kids to insult an entire community.

I believe a lot of oil has been poured into this firestorm, and one may say that I'm doing nothing more than to add even more fuel to it by adding this late, late post. However, the way I see it, adding my two cents' worth of fuel to the conflagration should be seen in the context of all the shiploads of oil that has already been spilled by Jason Neo.

Yes, that's right - that's how I see this whole issue: as an oil spill of sorts on our own community. When you tar everyone with the same brush, that counts as blatant and outright discrimination. After all, simple logic dictates that the actions of one cannot be applied to an entire community as a whole.

Lots of people have been baying for his blood, figuratively speaking at least. I'm not one of those people, for we should always strive to be the better person in cases like this. As terrible as his actions were, retaliating in kind just makes the rest of us no better than him. He's just not worth the effort. Besides, I have always felt that cases like this are just too stupid for law enforcement to handle.

After all, if it takes a stupid person to show this level of discrimination and intolerance, then it takes a very stupid person to drag innocent kids into the mix, and it takes a mindblowingly stupid person to blare it out on Facebook. I seriously doubt that a day in court and a few weeks in jail makes a stupid person any smarter. If it does, tossing half the world's population in prison oughta do humanity a whole lot of good.

So, Jason, let me address you directly: I'm a Muslim, and regardless of whatever cynicism I may have about your apology, I'm gonna have to accept it. That said, how am I supposed to look at you directly in the eye should we ever meet? It makes me question why I have to serve 2 1/2 years of NS and 2-3 weeks a years for the next ten years (I'm in my sixth year now) to prepare for external threats when there are threats from within coming from foolhardy miltons like you?

I won't spit on your face, and I won't flip the bird at you. I just refuse to look at you in the eye and show you any respect. I also won't ask for the police to come down on you and slap you with the Sedition Act.

But guess what, Jason? That isn't up to me. Three different people have filed police reports against you, one of whom includes the principal of the kindergarten in question.

Good luck trying to sleep at night.

Be responsible, and come to prayer

2011-10-15T11:39:00.000+08:00

Goodness me. TWO months of not posting? This has got to be a new record.

The problem is that I've been extremely busy with work/teaching my students/training for long distance runs/all other things that make up my busy life. And when I'm actually free to do whatever I want, I'm just too pooped out to try to knock out a blog entry.

That said, I was induced to write an entry after reading this article:

Entice me and I'll come to pray

To summarize the article, it's all about the experiences of a certain Malaysian Muslim when it comes to prayer. Among other things, he found that the khatib of Friday prayers can sometimes be boring enough to induce sleep in him. On top of that, the poor delivery of the Azan for Subuh by one of his peers during his boarding school days made him cringe every subsequent time he heard the Azan in the years to come. I strongly suggest reading the article in full to get a feel of it so as not to risk misunderstanding the context I am writing this blog entry in.

An example of a khutbah Jumaat.

Well, he has the right to make his thoughts known.

And so do I. Now, let me toss in my dua sen on all this.

MAS doesn't produce one-cent coins anymore, so US cents will have to do.

First of all, it's really conduct unbecoming for one to criticize the poor delivery of the khatib for khutbah Jumaat. Now, don't get me wrong; I do agree that some imams can deliver their khutbahs in a droning, snore-inducing tone of voice, and it can take a considerable effort to stay awake during the khutbah, let alone pay close attention. For instance, I attended yesterday's Friday prayers in a state of illness, sleep-deprivation, and a half-dead brain after a full morning of energy-sapping lab experiments. It was all I could do to not fall asleep during the khutbah when the imam delivered his sermon in a monotone, sleep-inducing voice.

But that said, it does not mean that one should use that as an excuse for falling asleep during khutbah Jumaat. If you truly find it hard to pay attention, then at the very least just focus on staying awake out of respect to the khatib/imam. After all, put yourself in his shoes - would you truly enjoy it should your audience fall asleep while you're giving a public presentation?

'Don't mind Darth Cheney. My Axis of Evil speeches always bore him'.

I also have to take issue with the writer's treatment of the muezzin who could not give the Azan properly due to his sleepiness and grogginess. After all, the muezzin was certainly just as groggy as the writer was, and perhaps even more so, considering that he had to wake up even earlier. Let me put it simply: if you think you can do a better job than the muezzin, then you should ask the muezzin to stand aside and call out the Azan yourself.

At the very least, see it this way: the poor chap who had to be the muezzin woke up earlier and set aside his grogginess and lack of sleep to call on you to perform your religious obligations. Instead of publicly berating him for making you unenthusiastic about prayer, you should be thanking him for reminding you to pray. If what he did was an act of charity towards you, then all that criticism of him was totally uncalled for.

I will agree that worship should not be something that is to be forced. I will also agree that the khatib Jumaat should learn how to deliver his khutbah in an effective manner so as to properly engage the jemaah at the mosque. I will even agree that whoever has to give the Azan should be someone who can do it capably.

However, I will have to stress on this point: at the end of the day, the act of worship is primarily your own responsibility. It may well be the imam's responsibility to engage the jemaah properly during khutbah Jumaat, but it is also your responsibility to stay awake and to pay attention. It may well be the responsibility of the muezzin to call out a proper Azan, but if he can't, then it is your responsibility to either do it yourself or to assign someone else who can do a better job.

We all have our responsibilities. While we may take others to task for not performing theirs, we should never forget our own responsibilities.

Gluttony During Ramadan

2011-08-06T13:00:00.003+08:00

Now that the fasting month of Ramadan has started, you tend to see advertisements such as this:

Restaurants will be falling all over themselves trying to sell special 'Ramadan Buffet' promotions or what have you, promising free flow of drinks and a wide array of dishes in an 'all-you-can-eat' format.

Truth be told, I have nothing but contempt for such promotions.

The way I see it, the term 'Ramadan Buffet' itself is a self-contradicting phrase..... an oxymoron, if you will. Ramadan is a time for you to do plenty of self-reflection on your character, while a buffet is an invitation towards gluttony. I just find it highly cynical to be engaging in self-restraint throughout the day only to stuff oneself to the gills once the azan for Maghrib sounds on the radio.

In fact, I'm not just targeting buffets in particular; I'm targeting gluttony in general. The way I see it, it kinda defeats the whole purpose of fasting when you stuff yourself full with food at both Sahur and Iftar. I can't speak for Allah Almighty, but the way I see it, the whole point of fasting is to teach yourself the value of self-restraint, to learn empathy for those who are less fortunate who are in a perpetually poor and hungry state, and to count your blessings and be grateful for what you have. At Imsak, when you scarf down a huge plate of chicken rice three times the portion you would normally eat, these lessons are kinda lost to you.

In the first place, Rasullulah (peace be upon him) did enjoin upon us all to eat in moderation. To quote a well-known hadith:

A man does not fill any vessel worse than his stomach. It is sufficient for the son of Adam to eat enough to keep him alive. But if he must do that, then one-third for his food, one-third for his drink and one-third for his air. (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2380; Ibn Maajah, 3349)

My point here is simple: at Iftar during Maghrib, eat just enough to silence the pain of hunger, and no more. If you wish to go for Round 2 (Round 1 being Iftar), then please do so after Tarawih prayers. If that seems a bit too late for you, then at least pray Maghrib first before you eat some more.

And please don't say things like 'Tarawih is exhausting; I need my energy by eating a lot at Iftar'. Yes, I agree that Tarawih prayers can be quite a bit of a workout, with a total of 31 rakaats to be conducted at the mosque (In order: 2x Solat Sunat (upon arrival) + 2x Solat Sunat (after azan) + 4x Isyak + 2x Sunat (after Isyak) + 20x Tarawih + 3x Witir).

But then again, Rasullulah (peace be upon him) got on just fine with three dates and a glass of water. Certainly a simple tuna sandwich or a small plate of rice ought to be enough to carry you through the night.

At the very least, if you feel compelled to go for buffet dinners for Iftar, please do exercise a degree of self-restraint. Do not fill your plates high with food, and do not eat so much till your stomach bloats and you feel as though you could fill in for the whale in Free Willy. If the thought of exercising self-restraint makes you feel that you're not getting your money's worth, then here's a thought: don't eat at an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant. Just get yourself a small and cheap meal at a nice little mom-and-pop establishment.

Or better still, cook your own food and eat at home with your family. Use Iftar during Ramadan as a means of bonding with your family over a home-cooked meal.

I hope that everyone is getting the point that I'm trying to bring across here. I'm not saying that it's wrong to eat during Sahur and Iftar - if anything, you should eat Sahur just prior to Subuh, and you should eat Iftar immediately when the azan for Maghrib is heard. Neither am I saying that you should limit yourself to tiny scraps of food at either meal.

All I'm saying is, one should refrain from gluttony at all times, and even more so during Ramadan. From my point of view, it kinda defeats the whole point of Ramadan to engage in gluttony during the month of self-restraint and personal discipline.

Marina 21k

2011-07-30T21:15:00.006+08:00

I ran the Marina 21k run last Saturday.

I'll be brutally blunt here: it was the worst-organized race I had ever attended, and I would never, EVER recommend it to anyone, be it the weekend road warrior or the really dedicated professional runner.

The problems started well before the starting point. Considering that the race location was at the really hard-to-get Marina Bay Gardens in the East, most of us had to take the free shuttle bus. And the only information about the shuttle bus was that the pick-up point was at Mountbatten MRT.

Alright, fair enough, I thought. At the very least, there would some signs and/or a couple of marshallers to guide the people to the pick-up point. But.... no, there was none of the sort. So I got lost, along with a whole lot of other people.

So, we finally boarded the bus, which dropped us near the starting point. And here's the next problem.... we couldn't find the starting point. Again, zilch marshallers and/or signs pointing us in the right direction.

Then, I went to the starting point, getting myself all pumped up for the start time of 7.30 pm. Except that..... there was now several waves of runners based on race category and tag number. So I found myself being in the 7.50 pm race category. Seriously..... Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Then, the route itself was so profoundly weird that it would be an insult to weirdness to call it so. Firstly, you cannot call it the 'Marina 21k' when the route is mostly in Tanjong Rhu and Kallang. Secondly, there were many, many hairpin turns. Third, the running route was down to a single lane on the road.... for both incoming and outgoing directions. You can guess what happened: I was on constant EVASIVE ACTION mode the whole way, trying to overtake guniangs who attached themselves to the first wave even though it was supposedly reserved for elite runners.

Yes, to all those who attached themselves to the first wave even though they knew they couldn't run fast enough.... I'm insulting you. If you're too self-centered and think too highly of yourselves to run in the first wave, then you deserve all the flaming that I'm laying on you, you weaklings. I can run 21 clicks in less than 2 hours, and I don't see myself as an elite runner.

So how DARE YOU attach yourself to the elites when you can't even run the whole way without stopping?

Man, this sucks. Instead of writing a proper AAR about the Marina 21k run, I end up writing a b*tchfest of an article.

1 hr 58 minutes was my timing here.

Here's to hoping that I get a better timing in the Army Half Marathon.

The NDP Fun Pack Song (redux)

2011-07-10T12:21:00.004+08:00

With reference to my previous blog post, I am glad to say that wiser heads have prevailed among the NDP Committee. They have decided to pull the totally-ridiculous 'Fun Pack Song' from its lineup.

However, it wasn't for reasons of sanity that they did so. It was because it turns out that while they had paid the rights for airing the original 'Bad Romance' song, they did not have the rights to actually modify its lyrics into 'The Fun Pack Song'.

Since MINDEF is in charge of this fiasco, this photo seems oddly.... appropriate.

Let me get this straight..... the powers-that-be had no idea that 'rights to air a song' is not the same as 'rights to air a modified version of the song'? Any monkey who ever listens to music and reads news related to the music industry knows how seriously copyright rules are taken in the music world.

For one thing, remember the uber-awesome Ghostbusters theme we all rocked to back when we were all kids?

Ghostbusting makes me feel good!

Ray Parker Jr was sued for ripping the guitar riff off from another song. And he lost the suit.

You don't even need to rip off an entire guitar riff to get sued. Robbie Williams was taken to court for lifting one single line from an existing song. And he lost the case, giving up 25% of royalties earned from that song in the process.

Bottom line is, if you want to rip off someone else's song, make sure you have the full clearance to do so first. You also need to make sure that you have full permission to modify the lyrics while negotiating for the clearance. This situation that the NDP organizers got themselves in can only be described as a bad case of 'I thought, you think, who confirm?' If my legendary BMT platoon sergeant had been in charge, the next thing that would have happened would be that we would all be knocked into a 'half-left down position' and have to hump the floor repeatedly.

Or to go forth and grope a faraway tree.

The threat of litigation from Lady Gaga's parent company isn't an idle one, either. Try clicking on the Youtube link in my previous post - it has been taken down, by order of Sony ATV. If Sony felt moved enough to order Youtube to remove the song, think about what they could do to the original perpetrators of this fiasco.

Legal issues aside, I also have a very big question to ask the NDP organizing committee: what the heck were they thinking? 'Lady Gaga == cool == let's pay the legal fees and rip it off'? Would it kill them to just hire a local songwriter to create a perfectly-original song? If anything, it would probably cost less, the money would have remained within our economy, and it would be certainly a lot more creative than just ripping off a foreign song.

In the end, I believe Adolf here kind of speaks for everyone:

Either Chan Mali Chan or Geylang Sipaku Geylang would have been far better choices.

The NDP 2011 Fun Pack Song!

2011-07-05T12:35:00.004+08:00

Introducing... the NDP2011 Fun Pack Song!

There's only one thing I can say about this supposed 'song'......

28

2011-06-24T11:35:00.005+08:00

I can't believe it has been this long.

Top row, 2nd from left. Yes, that little squirt is Fudgie, circa 1986.

It kind of makes you see things in perspective when you think about how far you've come. It didn't seem like too long ago when I was 21/freshman/single. Seven years seem to have passed in the blink of an eye, and now it seems that I am 28/senior postgraduate/married.

I wasn't kidding about the 'married' part.

Sometimes I wonder about what I've been doing with my life, and how it would have turned out had I made different decisions at the many critical junctures where choosing option (a) would lead to a radically-different outcome from option (b). Say, if I had chosen to specialize in Oil and Gas Engineering instead of Aeronautical Engineering. If I had chosen to go to work instead of becoming a postgraduate.

Or become Batman instead of Superman.

Yeah, laugh all you want, but it's true that one small difference in the decisions that you make can land you in altogether different scenarios. Where you stand on the pavement, for instance, determines whether or not you get knocked down by a car driven by a drunkard. Whether or not you attend a friend's birthday party, for instance, determines whether you might meet some dude there who's willing to invest heavily in your floundering company.

So what does this mean for all of us? Well, the way I see it, there are two possible ways to deal with such a situation. One can, for instance, just huddle in one corner and mourn about the possible decisions we could have made, or the 'what could have been-s', in a more layman parlance. Alternatively, one can sit back, take a deep breath, and hope that the decision that has been made was the best one that was possible, and to not waste time and effort on decisions that an 'alternate-you' might have made in a parallel universe.

And so, the latter position is one that I'm going to take.

My name is Muhammad Fadzli. I was born in 1983.

I am now 28 years old.

Sundown Marathon 2011

2011-06-10T00:33:00.001+08:00

I encountered quite a bit of fiasco while I was running the Sundown Marathon a couple of weeks ago.

You see, the starting time for the full marathon was at 10 pm. Seeing as how the starting point was near Changi Village, I figured that living near Tanah Merah, I could leave home 1 1/2 hours early and still be there with an hour to spare. Even with some minor congestion, I wouldn't be late.... right?

Wrong.

The problem was that there was essentially only one route leading to the starting point at the Changi Exhibition Center, namely, via Changi Coast Road.

A: Where I was at 8.30 pm. B: Where I had to be at 10 pm.

The problem was that Changi Coast Road was itself partially cordoned-off for the run. Add to the fact that 10000 marathon runners were all trying to get to starting point while the half-marathon was still ongoing, and you get a massive jam of epic proportions. It took more than an hour for my in-laws (thumbs up to them) to send me to the junction of Changi Coast Road with Aviation Park Road. At that point it was 9.40 pm.

And to my horror.... the starting point was a full three kilometers from that point! This meant that I had just twenty minutes to cover those three kilometers to the starting point!

As a result, I friggin' had to run those three kilometers. Luckily I managed to get to the form-up point with just five minutes to spare. That unscheduled three-kilometer run had its cost, though. I ended up using up some of my running capacity that I would have otherwise used for the actual 42 km marathon. I ended up finishing the marathon in 4 hr 58 minutes, which is below my personal best of 4 hr 55 min set at last year's StanChart race.

Yes, yes, some of you may think that I'm making excuses for running a full three minutes slower than my personal best. But before you say that, let me ask you this: have any of you ever had to sprint 3 km in full gear (i.e. with your gym bag) prior to running a 42 km race? Add that to the fact that this race was in the dead of the night when everyone else would be sleeping, and three minutes off doesn't sound all that bad to me.

Oh well. That's the second race of the year down.

The next race for me will be the Marina 21k race next month.

So Long, Friendster!

2011-05-24T13:15:00.000+08:00

One day, out of pure curiosity, I decided to log into my Friendster account.

You know, this one.

Back in 2002 or 2003 when it was first introduced, Friendster was the hottest thing around. It was the Facebook of its time before there even was a Facebook. By today's Facebook standards, it was rather rudimentary - but it was cutting-edge for its time. It allowed you to add friends from pretty much every stage of your life provided you could find them. And more interestingly, it could allow you to see what friends you have in common with other friends. In other words, it was (at least in theory) a working model of the Six Degrees of Separation theory where everyone on earth is separated by no more than six degrees of acquaintanceship.

The profile page in itself was already fascinating enough.

Friends pixellated out. The FS isn't, because you already know of her existence.

On top of that, there was the so-called 'testimonials' function. It's just like how your form teacher or your former supervisor would write you a letter praising your attributes so as to give your future employers a good impression of you. Except this time, it's your friends who are praising you. In a manner of speaking.

Sorry, still no pizzas for you.

Looking back, I see this whole concept of 'testimonials' as nothing more than a gimmick. As one of my good friends once said of this concept: 'I don't need my good friends to remind me what a great guy I am. And I don't need my not-so-good friends to remind me what a jerk I can be.'

Somewhere along the way, though, Friendster seemed to have lost the plot. Sure, Facebook came up and took a big chunk of the social networking pie, but more to the point, it became stagnant. It didn't try to evolve itself to make it more appealing to the teeming masses as more and more social networking websites came up. Sure, it did crank up its server capacity and corrected many of the reliability issues that plagued it at its inception, but other than that, it really didn't offer anything distinct from the whole smorgasbord of social networking websites such like Hi-5 and WAYN.com (and yes, Facebook).

You know what was the last straw for me? This:

When ads for webcam strippers start appearing on the Testimonials section, you know that the time has come to jump ship.

So long, Friendster. It was nice knowing you.

GE 2011: My Dua Sen

2011-05-15T12:39:00.002+08:00

With the General Elections of 2011 now truly over, I feel that I should throw in my dua sen while it’s still on people’s minds.

Some people have been asking me: ‘Who did you vote for?’ That’s a fair question, though that’s one that I’m not going to answer in person, much less online. My vote is secret, as is yours. What I will say is this: I felt that I had to make a choice where there would be positive and negative consequences either way. So, I voted such that I would end up with what I would refer to as LUO.

If the previous acronym does not make sense to you, then let me explain. LUO stands for ‘Least Undesirable Outcome’, which is a state where I do not have options with perfectly positive outcomes. At the same time, all possible options were such that that I have to consider which one has negative consequences that I can still tolerate. Without going into too many details, LUO indeed did occur to my GRC, and I did contribute to that outcome, but at least I can assure myself that the alternative outcome would probably have been worse. Though of course, time will tell whether I had made the right decision.

So with all that said and done, let me just state for the record what I think about the general outcome of this election and its implications for the parties involved.

To the ruling party of the PAP, I say this to you: congratulations for retaining the majority of Parliament, the teeming masses have spoken, and it is decided that they want you to be in power. That said, do not be too quick to pat your backs. Remember what your (and I say this with full respect) esteemed colleague George Yeo has said: the discontent on the ground is real, it is not negligible, and the ruling party has to transform itself or be transformed. It would be easy to simply write off the dissenting voters as ingrates, but it would be wiser to actually think about whether there really is any merit to this supposed lack of gratitude. You can choose to be the optimist and simply accept a 60.1% margin as a ‘strong mandate’, or you can look at both sides of the coin and realize that 40% of the electorate rejects you.

Of course, 60.1% isn’t a shabby result, but it contrasts with 66.6% in 2006 and 75.3% in 2001. You could see that as a drop from A1 to B3 to B4 (and just barely B4, at that).

To the opposition in general, I say this to you: congratulations for winning a greater share of the vote this time round. That said, do not be too quick to pat your backs either, because there can be mutual exclusiveness between gaining support due to winning the hearts and minds of voters, and winning votes because voters simply don’t like the other guy. The truth is that some voters do have the mentality that ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ without even considering the bigger picture which is in this case ‘What is the best outcome there is for my country?’.

To the Worker’s Party in general, I would like to extend my congratulations in your retaining the seat of Hougang and getting the five seats of Aljunied. That said, remember that winning a GRC is not an end in itself. To be honest, the hard work has not even begun. Rather, the hard work starts now. It would now behoove you to follow through on your campaign promises to serve well Aljunied residents in particular, and to provide a credible opposition voice in Parliament in general. Success in doing so can only make you stronger, whereas failure would certainly have far-ranging consequences whose discussion is beyond the scope of this cute little weblog.

So that’s it; that’s all the two cents that I’ve got to throw in with regards to the recent General Elections. As you can see, my two cents are really not about patting the winners or kicking the losers, for there are no real winners or losers when everyone works together towards a common good in a mature democracy. Rather, what I had to say is just a point of view about what everyone has got to ponder upon and do to work for a better Singapore.

Carpe Diem......... uh.......

2011-05-02T17:57:00.005+08:00

From that brilliant comedy website, Cracked.com:

Dude, I would soooo watch this remake.....

NUS Arts Canteen

2011-04-16T11:04:00.003+08:00

What I saw:

What I got instead:

NUS Arts Canteen is seriously, seriously overrated.

I'm not going there again. EVER.

YOUR Amy. OUR Army.

2011-04-09T10:47:00.000+08:00

Much has been said (and done) about the NSF recruit who got his maid to carry his own backpack.

This one.

You could say that I'm flogging a dead horse, but let me just toss in my dua sen while people are still talking about this kid.

Let me just get this point straight: I'm ashamed of this guy. Period. I don't care what his excuse is, but it simply does not explain why he has to get his maid to carry his fieldpack for him while he happily walks on, presumably typing a message on his handphone.

I reject all suggestions that he might be injured. If he had a leg injury, he wouldn't be wearing his boots. A back injury might be possible, but it can't be all that serious if he can still walk. Certainly a fieldpack carried on both shoulders would not be too heavy, especially since the smaller-sized maid could nonchalantly carry it on one shoulder. The bottom line is that if he had been injured enough to get someone else to carry his backpack, then he really should either be on crutches or on a wheelchair.

I also reject all suggestions that his training was tough, so give him a break, etc. Well, I did my time in the Army too. My training was tough too. And guess what, I always carried my own luggage.

One would wonder why we all get so worked up over incidents like this involving one single weakling. And let's be clear: one weakling does not an army make. For every guniang like that kid in the photo, there are many more good soldiers who put in their best effort and do not skive and slack at every opportunity.

The problem is, though, is the issue of guilt by association. Like it or not, we humans have a tendency to look at a small sample reading and assume it to be representative of the whole batch. In this case, the public at large has a tendency to look at one guniang soldier and make the conclusion that the entire SAF is made up of guniangs.

That's just the way it is, that's just the way it has been, and that's just the way it will always be. And before any of you start pointing fingers, I'm willing to bet that you have been guilty of this at some point in your life. Come on, the last time the postman misdelivered your mail, did you say 'The postman messed up!' or 'SingPost messed up?' Dollars to donuts say that you said the latter, in which case, you associated the guilt of one postman to the entirety of SingPost.

I'll admit to doing that as well. A few months ago, five DBS employees messed up a relatively simple transaction that I was making with them. The end result was that I was delayed from making chequeing transactions for three weeks and I had to send an apologising email to one of my suppliers for issuing him a bounced cheque. in my eyes, the trustworthiness of DBS was in the gutter thanks to the actions of those five. DBS did their best to play down the fiasco by saying that it was an ‘isolated incident’. True, it might well be possible that I was simply unlucky to have to face the five worst employees on the payroll of DBS, but it didn’t change the fact that they were working for DBS, and they were the face of DBS as far as I was concerned.

Frontline service managers know of this human factor and do their very best to account for it. After my freshman year in NUS, I spent my three-month vacation working as a bellboy at Pan Pacific Hotel. On my very first day at work, my manager took me aside and told me something I would never forget:

‘Remember that although you are a casual labourer, you are Pan Pacific. When you deal with a guest, they do not see some boy named ‘Fadzli’. Instead, they will see the face of Pan Pacific’.

And just to make the point clear, the name badge of every employee had a line that said ‘I am Pan Pacific’ under the name. I suppose the meaning of the line was twofold; (1) that I belonged to a great big family working towards the goal of giving visitors a pleasant stay, and (2) that as far as the guests are concerned, I am Pan Pacific. If I did well, I would give the hotel a good name, and if I screwed up, I would be tarnishing the name of the hotel.

So let's just sum it all up here: when you are in uniform while you're out in public, people do NOT see CPL Tan Ah Kow or PTE Ali Bin Mat.

They don't see 3SG Darth Fudgester, for that matter.

Instead, people will see 'Our Army', and your actions will reflect on the entire Singapore Armed Forces.

So how you guniangs want to treat your maid Amy is not up to me, but damnit, I'll kick you in the nuts for spoiling the image of the rest of us men in the Army.

The Wife's Birthday

2011-03-11T14:20:00.005+08:00

Here's a hypothetical scenario: your wife's phone has gone missing overseas, so you call the telco to suspend her account immediately. As a security question, the customer service officer asks what her birthday is.

In a moment of panic, you have forgotten it. What do you do?

a. Ask for another security question?

b. Call your in-laws/ call her workplace colleagues / check her birth certificate?

c. Hang up in anger, swallow the huge roaming charges, and broadcast to the whole of Singapore that you have forgotten your wife's birthday?

Really, it took all of my effort not to burst out laughing in the train this morning.

Speak English!

2011-03-10T18:38:00.004+08:00

I've been singing praises of my HTC Desire ever since I got it earlier this year.

Eat this, Steve Jobs.

Android Market is chock-full of fantastic apps, ranging from calorie counters to GPS-based running trackers. I admit to have downloaded both apps to aid in my quest for health and fitness, and I don't apologize for it one little bit.

I've downloaded gaming apps as well. One such game is Words With Friends, which is pretty much a Scrabble rip-off courtesy of those folks at Zanga.

I've often fancied such 'thinking' games over mindless shoot-em-ups. Which comes as an unpleasant surprise to me that I'm getting trounced left, right and center ever since I started playing WWF.

Pictured: Me getting my, uh..... derriere kicked.

This got me to thinking: has my proficiency in the English language dropped that far, or am I just imagining that it has? On further reflection, I'm inclined to believe that it has.

Sure, one may say that my experience in WWF counts as a single anecdotal piece of evidence, but I've got another few anecdotes up my sleeve that all point toward the same conclusion. My oratorical skills, for one. I've noticed that when I'm teaching my undergraduate students, I tend to stumble over relatively-simple words which I have hardly troubled me before.

Sure, one may say that a few linguistic stumbles during what is essentially a Powerpoint presentation is entirely forgivable. However, for me that just isn't good enough. I was once the most-capped debater (and de facto captain) of the class debating team back when I was in Upper Secondary. Sure, you may laugh now, but to paraphrase Bill Shankley, the Gan Eng Seng School Inter-Class Debates were a matter of life or death. We all took the debates seriously, having a total of ten debaters.

On top of that, I’m not trying to blow my horn here, but I was my secondary school’s top student in English, and I topped my JC class in General Paper.

In fact, speaking of Words With Friends, I actually represented my class (with Wai Mun) in the Inter-Class Scrabble championships!

So, what happened, Fudge? How did you slide down from becoming extremely fluent in English to getting your derriere kicked in an Android application?

Well, I’m thinking that there is no one single explanation for the rot. Rather, it’s more of a confluence of several different factors which can be summed up as:

1. National Service

I know what some of you are probably thinking: ‘Why blame NS, Fudge? You’ve only got yourself to blame for not maintaining your fluency level while you were in uniform.’

Yup, it still looks ugly to me.

Well, that may be true, but let’s face it: while you’re in camp all sorts of negative influences tend to rub off on you. For one thing, you have to live with people from all sorts of backgrounds with a poor grounding in the English language. I’m not trying to engage in cultural snobbery or anything here, but let’s face it; army camps aren’t exactly the hotbeds of literary excellence.

It doesn’t help that your legendary BMT platoon sergeant has a penchance for including at least one profanity in every single sentence that exits his mouth, regardless of mood. An example being:

‘KNN! That was a f**king good performance, you bleddy f**cking f**ckers!!! CCB… keep up the f**king good work!!!!’

You get the drift.

2. The end of The Anthology of Seasons

To the uninitiated (and the vast majority of you fall within this category), The Anthology of Seasons is my (unpublished) collection of (truly laughable) poetry. It detailed pretty much every aspect of my life from when I was an Upper Secondary student to when I became a freshman.

In a manner of speaking, poetry was an addiction I once had.

'Hi, my name is Fudgie, and I'm a poet.'

'Hi, Fudgie!'

In other words, it was The Web of Fudge even before there was a Web of Fudge. And it was in verse.

Anyway, after seven years, ten A’Zone hardcover notebooks, and nearly 400 poems and songs, I pretty much gave up on it. It’s a tragedy when I think about it, but I simply ran out of steam after all that time. The unfortunate thing about me is that I can only maintain inspiration for so long before it totally gives up on me.

The unfortunate main consequence of the demise of the Anthology is that I had lost the main means of using the English language creatively. While the Web of Fudge rose from its ashes (okay, not quite, the Anthology went on for a few more months until it died), writing my thoughts in continuous prose just isn’t the same as writing it all in verse in that you don’t really have to think as hard while doing the latter.

One may argue that writing in verse has its drawbacks in that poetic licence allows for grammatical aberrations to allow for better flow and verse continuity. In other words, I was allowed to make grammatical errors if it made the poem sound better, and that was what I did on occasion. Still, I hold that the stimulation of my creative side far more than made up for any (willful) errors in grammar and vocabulary I made for the sake of verse.

3. Been getting too busy

Yes, that’s right. I’m falling back on the same old excuse of ‘been too busy’, only here, the full form is more of ‘been too busy trying to maintain my proficiency in the English language’. Which is a lame excuse, of course, and I’m not disputing that.

A specimen of Ohmy whatadorkus in its natural habitat.

However, I’m also not disputing that my all-out assault on the academic front is costing me much of my free time. Time which I normally would spend on reading lots of good books, be it The Three Investigators (when I was in Upper Primary/Lower Secondary) or Tom Clancy’s Ryanverse and Op-Center series (from Upper Secondary onwards).

If anything, even the time spent on the Web of Fudge has significantly gone down. In the past I could write 1000-word socio-political commentaries ranging from things like the death penalty for drug traffickers to the role of Islam in inter-racial dialogue. Now I’m dealing with far more banal issues and talking about them in shorter entries with ‘dumbed-down’ language.

4. Lack of a willful effort

I take full responsibility for this point. It takes a considerable effort to write and speak the English language fluently, and that was something I used to do on a near-constant basis in the past.

At some point, though, I pretty much let go of the reins and paid less attention to what I say and write. It wasn’t really a conscious decision to do so; it was more of a gradual transformation that crept up on me from behind.

So, you’ve identified the problem, Fudge. What do you plan to do about it?

Well, for starters I’m going to have to get back to the bare basics of what it means to be fluent in any language. Simply put, I’m going to have to re-immerse myself in the English language. To be fluent in it, I have to do my very best to be fluent in it in any situation, be it writing a blog entry, teaching my undergraduate classes, or talking to my professors.

And then I’ll….. well, that’s about it. Seriously, how fluent you wish to be in any language boils down to how well you use it. I never had to read lists of bombastic heavy-duty words back when I was in JC. If anything, I frowned on such a strategy. After all, if you were prone to making simple grammatical errors, a sprinkling of bombastic words would only serve to make you look worse.

So….. here’s to me being more fluent in the English language.

Conrad 'Duke' Hauser

2011-03-04T10:29:00.003+08:00

The following is an article from Channel News Asia:

SINGAPORE: For nine years, he managed to cheat the Traffic Police without being detected.

But on Thursday, Lim Tian Pong, the owner of a company which used to maintain the radar camera system the Traffic Police uses to monitor motorists' speeds, was jailed 18 months for cheating and for forgery offences.

The Traffic Police had specifically stated in their scope of requirements that the components for the system must be sent to a surveillance company, Multanova AG in Switzerland, for calibration.

But Lim, the 60-year-old sole-proprietor of Tian Supply and Service Trading, forged certificates and sent the antennas to China instead.

He forged 14 calibration certificates between August 2002 and July 2009.

Lim had created a logo which looked like Multanova AG's and displayed it on the bogus certificates.

The documents also stated that the antennas were supposedly calibrated by somebody known as "C Hauser".

Lim then submitted the fake certificates to the Traffic Police, who paid more than S$94,000 for the calibration services not performed by Multanova AG.

Lim, who was represented by lawyers Subhas Anandan and Sunil Sudheesan, also admitted that he had cheated the Traffic Police of about S$51,000 between March 2000 and March 2004 by using a similar ruse.

In one of the cases, he merely presented the authorities with an invoice stating that the checks done on the antennas were performed in Switzerland.

In his mitigation plea, Mr Anandan said Lim committed the offences as he had lost confidence in Multanova because of the firm's failure to deliver.

However, Deputy Public Prosecutor Magdalene Huang said the offences were premeditated and committed over nine years.

Lim also admitted that he had continued to run his business even though the company's registration with the Accounting and Corporate Regulatory Authority (ACRA) had been cancelled on May 2 2006, as he had failed to pay the annual renewal fee.

He only re-registered it on December 10 2008.

-CNA/ac

Source: Click here

**************************************

You might think that it's a very routine piece of crime news, and I don't blame you for thinking that way.

It's just that.... the pseudonym of 'C Hauser' sounds awfully familiar......

Yep. Thought so.

Time permitting.....

2011-02-22T11:43:00.005+08:00

Sorry I haven't been posting for nearly two months, guys.

I've been busy getting married....

I've been busy visiting Istanbul, Turkey.....

.... and currently I'm making up for (a lot of) lost time in my research.

I'll write a full post when time permits. I promise.

Have You Ever Seen the Fudge: 2010 in Retrospect

2010-12-31T14:36:00.000+08:00

Here I am again, at the end of the year. Once again, it feels as though I am standing on the edge of eternity, peering down at a bottomless chasm, not knowing what the future holds in store for me.

So, let's go into a recap of some of the most momentous events of 2010 (for myself, that is):

1. Got engaged

For most people, getting engaged involves having the guy go down on one knee to present a ring to the girl.

The same holds true for Malays..... except that he also has to bring a whole busload of relatives along with him to the girl's house in order to present the ring.

Yeah. We Malays like doing things the hard way.

Don't ask me why.

2. Tutored (and lectured) an undergraduate module

Not for the first time, I know. It's just that after three semesters of teaching, it still feels odd to be teaching something that I myself had just learnt a few short years ago.

Taking on a full lecture class, though, was new to me in the most recent semester. Believe me, there's a VERY big difference between teaching a small class of 20-odd students in a seminar room and lecturing the full gang of 350 students in a huge lecture hall.

3. Cleared the PhD Written Qualifying Examination

In spite of all the pronouncements that the examination would be 'easy as pie', it still took me two attempts to clear it.

Well, at least the second attempt was really as easy as pie. It consisted of just three questions, and the first two were pretty simple.

The third made me sweat a little, but a bit of unorthodox reasoning saved the day for me.

4. Ran the North East Run

In my first race of the year, I took part in the 16km category of the North East Community Run.

It's not a serious run, and with that there weren't a lot of serious runners. Which unfortunately led to the not-so-serious-runners creating a lot of congestion for all of the truly serious runners because they couldn't be bothered about proper running etiquette like 'give way if you don't want to run'.

This was supposed to be a warm-up for the Sundown Marathon, but a touch of the flu caused me to pull out of that race.

Call me a wimp, but trying to tackle a 42 km race with lungs full of phlegm is suicide.

5. Got my first scientific publication.

Seeing 'M F Hassan' as the first author is just way too awesome for me.

Here's to many, many more publications.

6. Cleared the PhD Oral Qualifying Examinations.

If the written examination was tough enough, the oral examination was much, much worse.

Basically I had to give a presentation summarizing everything that I had ever done up to this point as a PhD student. And I had to defend everything I did against the onslaught of not one, not two, but FOUR professors.

'Pause Block Deflect' was the only real strategy I could employ here.

Don't ask me how I survived it; the fact that I did is good enough for me.

7. Got interviewed by (and appeared in) BrightMinds Magazine.

My sponsors at the ministry arrowed me to be interviewed by BrightMinds Magazine, which is a publication meant to act as a prospectus of sorts to all those who are seeking scholarships.

I've appeared in minor articles in newspapers before, but seeing my handsome mug in its full glory in a magazine is just verdamn cool.

Damn fauxhawk. What was I thinking?

8. Ran the Army Half Marathon

This was the first 'real' race of the year for me, and I was raring to go. I entered the race with a view to finally break the 2-hour barrier that had been bugging me ever since I started to seriously go into long-distance running.

With a combination of serious training, weight loss (I had lost 6 kilos in the preceding fasting month) and some secret weapons (primarily my full-length 2XU compression tights), I managed to get a timing of 1 hr 55 minutes.

Oooh yeah. Now I'm aiming for 1 hr 45 minutes next year.

9. My Fifth In-Camp Training

I was gone for 2 1/2 weeks for this. No one wants to do it, but somebody's gotta do it.

For obvious reasons I can't really go into detail as to what I did while I was on the inside, but suffice to say that the next person who says that medics 'have an easy life' will be choke-slammed by me.

But as you can see from the photo, I finally got my new digital cammo uniform.

I still think it's ugly as heck. And I'm still getting used to the concept of putting my rank smack in the middle of my chest.

10. Standard Chartered Marathon Singapore 2010

This is the momma of all running races in Singapore, and I sure was looking forward to it. I know I previously said that I would write a full entry on this event, but the huge workload that I've been facing has prevented me from doing so.

All that needs to be said is that I broke my 5-hour barrier for the 42km event, and that's good enough for me.

Okay, 4 hr 55min still isn't that fast, but it's a good 45 minutes faster than my previous timing of 5 hr 40 minutes, no?

In a nutshell......

2010 was a year full of ups and downs. To be sure, I only actually really mentioned the 'ups' without going too much into the 'downs', because I know better than to try to weigh everyone down with my own problems. Suffice to say that a normal life can already weigh you down enough without it tossing a few monkey wrenches your way.

But that said, it's still a life worth living, even if it means that I get weighed down by it at times. When you think about it, it's just like the weather; you can't expect it to be perfectly bright and sunny all the time. Sometimes the sun has to hide itself, and rain has to fall.

At the end of the day, it's all about how you face when it rains, and whether you choose to live in misery or to strive for betterment.

And I do know that life is about to take a really interesting turn, because.....

...... I'm getting married tomorrow.

Go, web!!!

Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm
I know it's been coming for for some time

When it's over, so they say
It will rain a sunny day
I know; shining down like water

I want to know: have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know: have you ever seen the rain....
...... Coming down on a sunny day?

- Creedence Clearwater Revival, 'Have You Ever Seen the Rain?'

4:55

2010-12-05T18:20:00.005+08:00

I think this says a lot:

4 hours 55 minutes 36 seconds.

If you don't know what that means, this will clarify everything:

Yep, that's right. I ran the Standard Chartered Marathon Singapore earlier today. In the process, I got a new personal best of 4 hours 55 minutes.

More details to come.

Delta Bravo Sierra (Part I)

2010-11-06T12:25:00.004+08:00

I've more or less just ended a really dumb feud with DBS that lasted nearly three months.'More or less' because right now I'm just waiting for the epilogue to this major saga.

Okay, it's actually two separate feuds, but they're interconnected. And the feud was over something relatively minor, namely, a chequebook.

However, the fallout resulting from it was truly tremendous.

Let me explain what happened, in chronological order:

17th August 2010: I decided to open a DBS Autosave account for times when I need to issue cheques for monetary tranasactions. The bank officer gave me a complimentary chequebook once she had activated the account. Let's call this.... chequebook (A).

On my way home from the bank, though, I decided that I needed a second chequebook (henceforth known as chequebook (B)) with my name printed on it for use in my wedding dowry presentation. So I called the DBS hotline and requested for it. The girl confirmed my mailing address and told me that it they would deduct $10 from my account to pay for its cost. It would also arrive in the mail within 'seven to ten days'. So far so good.

31st August 2010: Fourteen days later, and chequebook (B) has yet to arrive. I called the DBS hotline again, and another girl told me that since I had yet to receive it, it must have gotten lost in the mail. She offered to cancel the missing chequebook and to send another one (chequebook C) to a DBS branch of my choosing. I chose DBS Clementi branch (due to its proximity to NUS Engineering) and she told me that the branch would contact me 'within 2 or 3 days' for me to pick up.

8th September 2010: After just over one week, I still had yet to hear anything from DBS regarding chequebook (C). So I called the hotline yet again to enquire its status.

The Malay guy who took my call checked the records on his computer and was forced to admit to me that the previous girl had not sent out any orders for chequebook (C).

After a massive rant at the fella at the incompetency of his colleague, I forced him to swear on his honour as a God-fearing Muslim that he would send another chequebook (chequebook (D))to DBS Clementi by 13th September. I also made him promise me that DBS Clementi would call me as soon as they received chequebook (D).

Somehow, I knew that this was a promise that wouldn't be kept.......

14th September 2010: ....... and unfortunately, DBS Clementi proved my cynicism right. They failed to call me the previous day in spite of that poor fella's promise that they would. Yet another call to the DBS hotline confirmed it: the branch already had chequebook (D) in their possession, but they had failed to follow the explicit instructions of 'CALL THE CUSTOMER ASAP'.

Several hours after that call to that hotline, one customer service manager from that bank did call me to nonchalantly ask me when I was coming down to the branch to pick it up.

Without going into too many details, let's just say that I unleashed an epic barrage of unholy outrage at the poor sod without using any cussing or swearing. The poor sod was so freaked out that he actually offered to drive down to NUS to give it to me in person. Which would have been a nice gesture, except that it was nearing the end of the workday and that I was already getting ready to go off.

Instead, I told him that I would be coming down in person the next day, because at that point in time I trust a chimpanzee with my money far more than those incompetent people. I also made him promise that he would meet me in person at the bank when I showed up so that I could submit a formal letter of protest ........

15th September 2010: ....... but of course, the manager didn't show up. He conveniently had to 'attend a course' at DBS Headquarters. Certainly, one would have thought that the most polite thing to do would be to inform me of this little detail, but of course, he didn't.

So unfortunately for his deputy, she had to bear the full force of my wrath. I submitted a letter demanding a full investigation into this fiasco. Simply put, putting me through all this nonsense simply seemed to me like a concerted effort to drive me insane, and I just wanted to get back at them. I then grabbed my long-awaited chequebook and got the heck out of there.

The branch manager called me back a couple of hours later and promised a full investigation. He promised me that a report would be sent to my email address by 17th September......

...... I think you guys know what's going to happen next.

17th September 2010: That aforementioned customer service manager called me and insisted on sending that report to me via snail mail. In spite of my insisting that it be done by email, he pushed the issue, saying that it was important the he sent it via snail mail.

Okay. Whatever.

24th September 2010: The fella called me again one week later to ask me whether I had received it. To which I had to say no, because I didn't receive anything in the mail from DBS barring my usual account statements.

He insisted on sending it out again, this time via registered mail.

Fine, I said. Knock yourself out.

27th September 2010: Both pieces of mail (registered and unregistered) finally arrived at the same time. In it was a full report containing the findings of his 'investigation' into the fiasco. The reason for the quotation marks being that his investigation was incomplete and totally misunderstood some of the points I was making.

At this point, though, I was already exhausted at having to deal with this whole fiasco, as you guys probably from reading about it. In the end, I got my name-printed chequebook, even though it took a whole month and several phone calls just to get it. So I returned the (unopened) registered mail and told the manager that though his report was incomplete, I had had enough of all that nonsense, and that I just wanted a chequebook and to move on with my life.

And honestly, that was what I was planning to do, and I was willing to just move on.....

......until a spanner was tossed into the works a few weeks later.

*************** TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2*******************

I'm on BrightMinds Magazine!

2010-10-19T22:56:00.003+08:00

This has got to be the coolest thing that has ever happened to me for some time.

Yeah, that's right. I was recently interviewed by BrightMinds Magazine on my academic work. I was also asked to toss in my dua sen on postgraduate studies.

Well, it's not exactly 8 Days, but then again, who am I to complain?

I think my fauxhawk looks more like Ultraman, though.

I've really got to work on my hairstyle.

Ahem, ahem..... AHM!

2010-09-23T22:03:00.003+08:00

I think this says it all:

In case if you don't know what that is, that is a medal from the Army Half Marathon 2010. Okay, it's just a finisher's medal, it's not a winner's medal or anything, but this is by far the best medal I have ever gotten.

Well, a few days prior to the marathon the missus gave me a fantastic secret weapon for my long-distance races. No, it's not drugs or anything, but it almost feels like a cheat just using it.

Behold: the 2XU men's full-length elite compression tights.

I had been contemplating buying these tights for a long time, considering the massive cramps I would get during extended runs. However, the high price of these tights (~ $180) have put me off. I needed full-length compression, considering that my hamstrings and my calves were the most problematic areas.

However, they were going for just $156 at the AHM Race Expo. The missus took it upon herself to buy them for me as.... an anniversary present. Thanks, honey!

I was incredulous that the salesman made me buy size XS. It took quite a fair bit of effort to put it on, especially at the tapered end of the tights while I was pulling them past my feet. Once they were on, though, it was almost I though I was wearing a lower-body exoskeleton that was doing half the running for me.

Why do I say so? The results say it all:

Yes, that's right. I hit a timing of 1 hr 55 min 52 seconds!

In doing so, I managed to break my previous personal best of 2 hr 04 min. I also managed to break the 2-hour barrier that so many amateur long-distance runners find so hard to break! Woohoo!

But of course, lest anyone claim that I'm getting paid by 2XU to say all this, I've got to say that there were other factors at play that could account for my fast timing. For one thing, I had been training quite a lot over the past few weeks, not just with my running, but with my IPT training sessions at Bedok Camp.

Also..... this was just two days after Hari Raya, and I had just lost over 6 kilograms of body mass over the previous Ramadan.

Before.

After.

And as any pimply-faced JC student would tell you, p = mv, and F = ma.

In other words, for the same momentum, I now had higher speed, and for the same propulsive force, I now had higher acceleration.

Okay. Dorky explanation. Never mind.

How NOT to treat a scene of tragedy.....

2010-08-28T19:57:00.001+08:00

When I first heard the news a few days ago of a hostage-taking situation in the Philippines, I didn't think too much about it. As callous as it may sound, I assumed that it would be nothing more than an isolated incident which would predictably lead to the incarceration or death of the perpetrator(s) at the hands of security forces.

However, reading the aftermath of the hostage crisis left me in gape-mouthed wonderment as to how it could the supposed hostage rescue efforts all went to hell. I'm not going to go into an analysis of the hostage rescue fiasco, lest I be labelled an armchair general.

That said, it was the aftermath of the whole incident that hit me the most. One would have thought that the aftermath would consist of things like tight police procedures, lots of grovelling apologies and condolences to the relatives of the deceased, and a general outpouring of sympathy and sorrow.

Instead, what transpired was this:

I don't think I have to really explain what's wrong with these photographs. The sheer lack of sensitivity of them speaks volumes.

If that wasn't bad enough, the police were in on the action too.

Ah yes, that's a nice smile, lady officer. Now how about doing your job, like dusting for prints and placing evidence cones?

Let me get this straight: I have nothing against Filipinos in general. I am willing to accept that the actions of the people in these photographs do not represent the general sentiments of the people of the nation of the Philippines. The majority of Filipinos do condemn the insensitivity of these photographs, and they understand that this is the last thing that the relatives of the victims need at this point in time.

With regards to the people in the photographs, I don't know what their culture is with regards to photograph taking, and I don't care. What I can say is that they were turning a place where innocent people died into a playground for their 'Wish You Were Here!' photographs. I don't know about you people, but that sounds very, very inappropriate to me at the very least.

In simple terms: It is NOT Disneyland. Innocent people DIED here. SAVE YOUR KODAK MOMENTS FOR ELSEWHERE.

I'm Singaporean, and the sheer insensitivity of these photographs struck me. I really cannot blame the people of Hong Kong for coming up with an unholy wrath over these photographs.

Just Be.... Good People.

2010-08-21T23:02:00.004+08:00

It has been a good eleven days since I started fasting, and I feel compelled to write a piece about what fasting is all about, and what you should and should NOT do in the middle of performing this sacred act.

1. It's not just about hunger and thirst....

Really, it's more than just about making yourself hungry and thirsty for 13 1/2 hours just because you were ordered to by God. If hunger and thirst is all that you go experience, then you are not really into the spirit of fasting. And yes, it is more than just about putting yourself on an extreme 30-day diet.

Rather, it is about valuing what you have, counting your blessings, and challenging yourself to face difficulties in life. For one thing, the lack of food and drink should make you value it more once you have it so that you learn not to be such a glutton. It really defeats the purpose of fasting when you break fast at night by having such grand and glorious feasts where you end up eating more than you would on a normal day.

Likewise, it is all about teaching you perseverance in the face of adversity. I'll be the first to admit that when I'm fasting, my reaction times and mental processes can be somewhat more impaired than usual from the lack of glucose for my brain. However, that does not mean that you should just laze around and wait out the hours until it's time to break our fast. Rather, the good old British attitude of 'keep calm and carry on' holds true here - carry on with your own lives, and push on (within reasonable limits).

2. It's about actions too.

Really, fasting is more than just an exercise in discipline for the body, it is an exercise in discipline for the soul too. As much as you should control your mouth from taking in food and water, you should also control it from coming up with words and phrases designed to hurt others and spread unfounded rumours.

It's also more than just about what you say, but what you do as well. I seem to have this impression that some people think that as long as you don't eat or drink during the daylight hours, your fast will be good. Well, I once came across the blog entry of some Mat where he blamed his lack of sexual prowess with his girlfriend was due to the fact that he was fasting.

So he not only performed zina, but proclaimed it out loud, and blamed his lack of ability to perform it on the holy act of fasting. Well done.

Oh, and by the way, one who has intercourse (or even a 'happy time' with his hands) during the daylight hours will have his fast totally voided. And that much is true even if the intercourse is with one's own spouse. Go figure.

3. Yes, please fast, but don't forget your other obligations....

All Muslims should know the Five Pillars of Islam, namely:

a. The Testimony of Faith (Dua Kalimah Syahadat)
b. Prayers (Solat)
c. Fasting (Sawm)
d. Almsgiving (Zakat)
e. Pilgrimage (Haji)

It's all fine and dandy to perform your fast, but while doing so, please remember the other Pillars of Islam. Your prayers are something that you really have to do, for one thing. After all, there has to be a reason why solat happens to appear before sawm, no? For instance, it just doesn't make sense for one to take the trouble to wake up at 5 am for sahur but not bother to pray Subuh later on.

And also, don't forget the zakat. It's not a lot of trouble at all to pay the zakat fitrah - just turn up at the mosque a little earlier for Friday prayers and make a beeline for the zakat desk. On my part, I dropped by Masjid Taqua just now while I was on my way to Bedok Camp for my annual IPPT. I did my Zohor prayers and paid the zakat right after that at the mosque office, killing two birds with one stone.

4. If you're not fasting, you don't have to rub it in....

There are several groups of people who can choose not to fast for various reasons ranging from sufferers of chronic illnesses to long-distance travellers. Even so, it is incumbent on such people to at least observe some form of tactical behaviour so as to show some respect for those who do fast. A person who has the flu should of course drink his chicken soup, but he should do so in a secluded place away from the public eye. I've fallen ill before while I was fasting, and I remember locking myself away in my room to eat proper meals.

If you're really bent on not fasting at all in spite of having no good reason not to, then please observe those same rules at the very least. I've lost count of the number of Mats I've come across openly smoking or drinking coffee out in the open in the past few days during daytime.

5. Don't forget the other rules, either.

It's good to fast, but at the same time, please remember the other rules and prohibitions as well. It doesn't make sense for you to fast while openly flouting all the other rules of religion at the same time.

I experienced a dramatic example of such a flouting last year while I was rushing home in time for the breaking of fast.

A bunch of Malay uncles were sitting at a hawker center table, hunching over the radio which was blaring out a religious speech by some Ustaz. It was obvious that they were waiting for the azan that would signal the end of the day's fast.

That would have been perfectly fine...... except that their table had several mugs full of Carlsberg beer, with several more bottles of Carlsberg in an ice bucket in the center of the table.

Breaking fast with Carlsberg. Well done.

*******************

I don't mean to preach, and I offer my sincerest apologies should this post appear as a long-winded nag on how one should fast. It's just that I would like to see nothing more than to have everyone to just.... be good people.

Mr. 100000

2010-07-17T21:59:00.002+08:00

In the midst of all that heavy-duty work over the past month, preparing for my PhD Oral Qualifying, I totally neglected a momentous event in the history of The Web of Fudge.

I take every possible opportunity to pimp my Superman photo.

That's right, folks, I have just hit 100,000 visitors to this blog! Woohoo!

Y'know, I can't believe it has been four years since I celebrated my 10,000th visitor to this blog. At that time I was a third-year undergraduate. Now I'm a second-year postgrad about to go into my third year. How time sure flies.

Mr.10000.... four years ago.

I hereby would like to thank anyone and everyone who has made this possible, including you people who have nothing to do but to be a kaypoh and intrude into my life via the means of reading this blog.

.... Come on, I was just kidding, ya?

27

2010-06-25T00:01:00.001+08:00

My name is Muhammad Fadzli Bin Hassan.

That is who I am.

I am a full-time postgraduate research student in mechanical engineering, and a part-time graduate student tutor in a general engineering undergraduate module. I've been doing this for nearly two years now.

Sometimes, I get sentimental, and this is one of those times. Once in a while I like to just stop and wonder about what I'm doing with my life. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm doing it all well, or whether I'm just tying myself up in knots.

So, yeah, sometimes it feels as though I'm taking on a far greater challenge than I'm equipped to face. Some of my decisions have been good, and I cannot complain about the path that I'm walking on now.

But then again.... suffice to say that it sometimes feels as though I'm wearing shoes that are too big for my feet.

But it's not as though everything has been bad, has it, Fudgie? For all of the bad decisions that you've made in your life, surely there have been many other better ones that you've made, hasn't there? Of course, this is by no means an outright excuse for all of the more shockingly poor errors in judgement, but this much is clear: you are only human.

It's not as though you are a superhero or anything, are you?

For all the mistakes and the errors in judgement that I've made, and all the bad stuff that has been tossed in my face through no fault of mine, this is a life that is still worth living.

In the end, the only way to go is forward, and in order to go forward, I can't always be looking back. After all, I can't really see what's ahead of me if I were to keep looking back, right?

So here I am..... this is me.

My name is Muhammad Fadzli Bin Hassan.

And today..... I turn 27.

Swiss Cheese

2010-06-06T08:48:00.006+08:00

Everyone would have known by now about the MRT train that got vandalized some time back, along with the fact that some Swiss dude did it by breaking into an MRT depot.

At first some thought that it was a really retarded publicity stunt by SMRT, but everyone knows that Singapore Post got hellfire and brimstone rained down on them after pulling off precisely the same stunt earlier this year. And that was without the 'breaking and entering' claim. No one would think that SMRT would want to pull off such a thing while claiming that they didn't know any better.

That said, though, SMRT still deserves to have hellfire and brimstone rained down upon them. I know some people say that I'm overreacting, and that 'It's just graffiti', but that's missing the point entirely. The point has nothing to do with the graffiti itself - after all, graffiti can be washed off and painted over, and the perp can be jailed and caned.

Rather, the point has to do with the breaking and entering itself. The facts can be ascertained as follows:

1. Two men (Oliver Fricker, a Swiss, and Lloyd Dane Alexander, a Brit) managed to cut through the fencing around the SMRT depot

2. They most likely spent at least twenty minutes spray-painting the train in question

3. They broke out again without anyone noticing at that point in time.

Well, my point is, if a couple of vandals can break in, spend twenty minutes mooching around with a train, and get out while not being detected at all, then so can a terrorist. Surely it doesn't take as long as twenty minutes to duct tape a MacGyverized time bomb onto the undercarriage of a train, no?

I find it very hard to grasp the concept of crooks being allowed free reign for twenty minutes in a train depot without getting caught, and surely that has to be the result of poor depot security. Now surely, there's something seriously wrong there. After all, SMRT did remove wastebins in its stations to prevent bombs from being dropped off there. They also keep bombarding passengers with messages to 'look out for suspicious items' and station staff to randomly check passengers' belongings.

Yet we now have a high-level infiltration that could have been easily thwarted by a couple of friendly Cisco prowlers. I don't want to speculate on what the security arrangements at the SMRT depots are like, but certainly, this is a case of extreme FAIL.

As for the Swiss perp, well, I'm sure he's having a great time languishing in jail while his Brit friend roams free. I say throttle his backside to the consistency of Swiss cheese...... but also give him chocolates and a bouquet of roses for exposing SMRT's poor security arrangements at its depots.

Bah. Flu bug.

2010-05-27T11:24:00.002+08:00

Y'know, I had been really keyed up and prepared for this Saturday's Sundown Marathon. I had been training my rear end off for the past few months, with 21-click runs on many Sunday mornings.

It would have been my third full marathon, and the greatly simplified route from Changi to Fort Road was pretty familiar to me. I was aiming for a new personal best of around 5:30.

I even went for a couple of short runs in order to 'break into' the running singlet that they gave.

Unfortunately, some pesky little demons got in the way, and I've been forced to withdraw from the marathon as a result. I may be crazy, but I'm not suicidal.

Bah. Flu bug.

A long walk off a short pier

2010-05-01T09:14:00.012+08:00

The current English Premier League season is coming to a close, and right now, it's down to Manchester United and Chelsea for the title.

Things have taken an interesting twist: Chelsea's second-last game is against Liverpool. And as everyone knows, Liverpool is Manchester United's greatest rival, and it appears that some of its supporters are facing the dilemma of 'gifting' Manchester United the title should Liverpool actually beat or hold Chelsea to a draw.

Let me throw in my dua sen on this. Heck, let me toss that dua sen from the top of the Empire State Building and hope that they land on the heads of those 'supporters'.

Yes, 'supporters' in quotation marks. Because from my point of view, a true supporter of Liverpool would never wish for his team to intentionally throw a match just for the sake of scuppering a rival's chance of overtaking Liverpool's record 19 titles. I mean, come on, '19' is just a number. If Liverpool had taken this season seriously and replicated the previous season's form, then it would have been them that's going for no.19. And even if Man U does get no.19 this year, who's to say that Liverpool may just get no. 19 and no. 20 in the next two years?

Let's be clear about something: I don't care about exactly who plays in this match. It has always been my belief that team rotation is the prerogative of a team's manager, and he is in no way answerable to other teams as to who he should play and who should be rested. Rafa Benitez can throw into his First XI the office clerks, kitmen, gardeners, the kopi uncle at the Anfield canteen (and maybe Lucas Leiva), and it would be entirely within his right to do so.

All I really care is that whoever plays for Liverpool in the upcoming match will put in his very best effort and not intentionally play poorly out of spite. I would far more gladly see a spirited fight by a reserve team than a poor fight by a First XI. Liverpool can play a team of reserves and lose the match for all I care so long as those reserves playing their butts off trying to wallop Chelsea.

Should the Liverpool players try to throw the match, I would hope for ALL of these events to happen:

1. Chelsea loses or draws their final match, allowing Manchester United to win the record 19th title anyway.

2. Spurs (or Man City) grabs 4th place and destroys Liverpool's last hope of a Champions League place.

3. Everton (their other most-hated rivals) leapfrog to over Liverpool and detroys Liverpool's hopes of getting into the Europa League.

Sadistic? Oh, hell yeah. But hey, if you intentionally throw a match, that is the kind of punishment you deserve (and more). And you would know that all these scenarios are entirely possible should Liverpool really lose the Chelsea match.

Let me get this straight: I respect Liverpool as a team with a great history and tradition. And I am sure that the players are professional enough to realize that professionalism should always take precedence over petty rivalries, and that they should always play to win. I'm sure that most Liverpool fans also feel the same way and realize that there is actually no dilemma of any sort here.

My beef here is with a certain section of Liverpool fans who don't share these sentiments about sportmanship and fair play. Pfft.

So, to all those Liverpool fans who want their team to throw the match, please..... Anfield could do without 'supporters' like you. Go walk alone.

And let it be a really long walk off a really short pier.

Internet Security

2010-04-24T20:54:00.006+08:00

I received a rather... interesting message from Facebook when I tried to log in recently:

Apparently some gonorrhoea-infested baboon in the United States tried to hack into my account. It seems as though he failed, considering that the incident was merely known as an 'attempt'. Facebook, knowing that I log in from Singapore, like, 100% of the time, alerted me to this anomaly. I promptly changed my password into something which would be more secure.

What I can say about password creation is this: never choose a fantastically-easy password as your password. At the very least make sure it is some word that does not exist in any language in any form of slang. To make it even more secure, toss in a few capital letters, numbers, and symbols to increase the possible number of permutations. While 'johntan' is a very poor password, 'j04nT$aN' is a much more secure alternative.

Unfortunately, studies have shown that the most common passwords are still things like 'password', 'tanahkow' and 'manufan'. Sure, setting passwords like that make it easy for you to remember them. However, remember that easy passwords, like tracer ammunition work both ways; what is easy for you to remember is also easy for a hacker to guess. At the very least you should throw in a symbol and a number to increase the possible number of permutations the password can have.

Also, basic internet security dictates that whatever you don't want others to see should simply be kept offline. A good case in point was that poly girl whose public topless photos were displayed out in the public domain earlier this year after some hacker managed to gain access to her supposedly-private blog.

As much as I want to sympathize with that girl, I also have to shake my head at her naivety. In the first place I find it very difficult to understand why anyone would even want to put their topless pictures on their laptop, much less online. One would have thought that Tammy and Edison would have taught everyone the lesson. After all, even private blogs still have fallible servers that can at times let other people in when the server screws up.

As for me, I'm slowly making all my passwords more secure at least to the point where any would-be amateur hackers would find it hard to access my online accounts. Also, I'm making sure that there's nothing truly incriminating in my online tracks, at least to the point where my mom wouldn't get a heart attack should she come across my online presence.

And what about that would-be hacker from the States? Well, I hereby declare him to be a former human who is to be treated like a rabid mongrel that needs to be put down.

GIVE ME MY YEAR-END MARATHON!!!

2010-03-13T18:37:00.005+08:00

Being an avid long-distance runner, I read a recent Straits Times article that had me fuming with rage.

The Straits Times, Friday March 12, 2010

The article can be summed up as:

1). The Singapore Sports Council (SSC) and the Singapore Athletics Association (SAA) are no longer the chummiest of pals,

2) . The Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon, which they have been jointly organizing for many years, gets split up into two marathons as a result,

3). Both SSC and SAA want to hold their own marathon on the same day this year, namely, 5th December 2010.

Now, it has been known for quite some time that the SSC and SAA have not seen eye to eye with each other, and they were planning to each organize their own marathon this year. Together with the Sundown Marathon in May, that adds up to a total of three marathons this year. When I first heard this news, I was relishing the prospect of conquering three full 42.2-click races.

Unfortunately, this piece of news has thrown that prospect into disarray. For one thing, it is impossible to hold two marathons in the same city on the exact same day. The authorities would (correctly) never allow this sort of nonsense to occur, for the reason that just one marathon is already extremely disruptive in terms of the extensive road closures and increased security measures that have to be put into place. And I haven't even gone into the sheer logistics involved in route marking, water points, medical cover, etc.

And should the authorities actually allow this sort of thing to occur, then local runners would face a conundrum - which race to take part in? As it stands, it already does not make sense to conduct more than one marathon in the same month. Only the bravest (and probably, most foolhardy) runners would dare to attempt such a stunt. Amateur wannabes like myself would have to choose one race, because it takes a full month to fully recover from the stresses of a full marathon.

So now the best that anyone can hope for is for one of the associations to waver and realize how incredibly stupid this current scenario is. At the very least, one of them must give way and organize their own marathon at some other point in the year when there are no other major races already pencilled in (e.g. Sundown, Army Half Marathon, NB Real Run, Ironman, etc....) Otherwise, we would have to contend with the worst possible scenario: the authorities rejecting both proposals for the December marathon on the grounds that the situation was simply too idiotic to proceed.

And honestly, this is really idiotic. All in all, I just find this whole spat between SSC and SAA to be stupid, childish, and detrimental to the future of sports in Singapore. I don't care who started it, I don't care who did what to piss the other fella off, and I don't care what it's going to take for them to rectify it....

..... but for goodness' sake..... GIVE ME MY YEAR-END MARATHON!!!!

Et tu, Jack Neo?

2010-03-07T09:35:00.007+08:00

At first, there was the Tiger.

Cue the jokes about what it means to 'sink a birdie'.

Then, John Terry and Ashley Cole joined the club.

Okay, they're both in the same club.... in every sense of the word.

And now.....

The Straits Times Online, March 7, 2010

Et tu, Jack?

Shucks, man..... I know I'm not exactly the best judge of character, and I'm really trying hard not to judge....

.....but she's young enough to be your own daughter.

My dua sen on the casinos

2010-03-05T21:38:00.004+08:00

As everyone knows, Singapore's first casino opened at Sentosa a couple of weeks ago over the Chinese New Year holidays.

Singapore has resisted the temptation to build such casinos locally for decades, but made an abrupt U-turn on this issue just a few years ago. And frankly speaking, I just can't help but think that in opening not just one but two casinos in Singapore, a pretty ugly Pandora's Box has been opened.

For one thing, we're going to have a whole lot more visitors to our shores (especially from right across the Causeway). Now that in itself is not a very bad thing, for an increased inflow of tourist dollars can only help our economy.

What I'm more concerned about is their reason for wanting to come here, namely, to try to earn a quick buck only to lose it all. Just four days after the casino opened, some moron from overseas blew all his money at the casino and tried to recoup it by..... stealing a handphone from an undergrad at Changi Airport.

And if you're reading this, you filthy thief... you suck. Really.

And that's just the impact of foreign visitors. What I'm more concerned about is the impact that the casinos have on local Singaporeans. Call me a doomsayer, call me Chicken Little, but I can predict only negative repercussions in the near future in the form of increased numbers of gambling addicts, bankrupts, and broken families now that casino gaming is almost literally a short drive away.

Oh, and don't get me started about the levy placed on local people. Honestly, if you're already addicted to gambling, a $100/day surcharge is not going to turn you off. If anything, the exact reverse mindset may kick in instead: the idea that since one is already $100 'in the red' before that game of blackjack or roulette has already started, then one has to play more in order to recoup that 'initial investment'.

And yes, that $2000/year 'discounted surcharge' is only adding to my cynicism. Why pay $100 per day when you can play for 365 days for the price of only 20 days?

Let's be clear about this: I do not doubt the positive benefits that the casinos would bring. I don't doubt that the increased tourist dollars would benefit our economy, and the casinos do provide plenty of employment to our citizens. Also, since there are people who travel all the way up to Genting just to gamble, from a purely pragmatic viewpoint, it would make far more sense to have them spend the money within our own shores than to have it all flow overseas.

Well, what I can say is this: some things just cannot be measured solely in terms of cold hard dollars and cents. I applaud the benefits, but I cannot condone the negative externalities. It's great to be rich, but not at the cost of having more bankrupts, broken homes, and menacing loansharks.

And yeah, my slamming of the idea of casinos is by no means an endorsement of all other forms of gambling. People have gone bankrupt, families have been broken, and crimes have been committed over things like 4D gambling and horse racing. All I'm saying is, we already have enough on our plate thanks to all these vices, and we don't need to add any more problems for our society.

I know that much of what I say is both theoretical and anecdotal. As the good prof would say, one single data point in itself is hardly conclusive. For that reason I sure hope that the effects of the casinos on our society will be closely studied and monitored over the next few years.

And for all our sakes, I sure hope that my negative predictions will all turn out to be wrong.

Busy, busy, busy....

2010-02-20T08:28:00.002+08:00

Busy, busy, busy.

1. I needed two attempts to clear my PhD Written Qualifying. Yeah, the good prof assured me that 50% of all candidates failed the first time round, but it didn't take the sting out of it at all.

Not to mention all the time I wasted preparing for the second attempt was precious time I sorely needed. Oh well.... at least I did clear it the second time round.

2. My paper got rejected for publication and needed editing. So I had to edit it and send it back to them and hope that the referee will just give the thumbs up.

3. A bunch of really tiring experiments have been taking up my time. The worst part of all is that I have to travel all the way to St John's Island to perform them. Even if I need to be there for only an hour, I have to strictly adhere to the ferry timings (which means I have to be there for at least 4 hours at any one time).

Oh well. Back to work.

iPad? iObject!

2010-01-31T22:23:00.006+08:00

I have been using my MSI U100 netbook as my mobile workhorse since I started my postgrad studies. No way on earth am I replacing it with an iPad.

Why? Consider this:

Seriously, I don't understand Apple fanboys who get a dorkgasm every time Apple comes out with something 'new' and 'innovative'. Give me my simple and practical MSI anytime.

Bothering About Borders

2010-01-14T19:08:00.004+08:00

I was at Borders a few weeks ago, hoping to buy a desk calendar for the new year. One of them caught my eye: an official Dilbert 2010 desk calendar.

However, I balked at the price: an insanely-high $40.

There was nothing special about the calendar, barring the fact that it was one of those 'tear-off-one-page daily' calendars that had a Dilbert comic strip on each page. Obviously I didn't want to pay such an insane amount just for a minute's worth of humour as I tear off a new page each morning. And so, I didn't buy it.

This afternoon, though (14th January), I happened to come across the exact same calendar. I didn't think twice about buying it this time.

Why? Well, it's due to the fact that the price has plunged to $5.

Moral of the story: if you want to buy calendars, and you don't mind going without one for the first few days of the new year.... just wait a few days.

The way I see it, an 87.5% discount is well worth the wait.

The Engagement

2010-01-09T09:39:00.005+08:00

Those of you who have me on their Facebook accounts would have figured out exactly what happened on New Year's Day 2010. Apart from SingPost's hilariously-backfiring marketing stunt, that is.

Those of you who read the previous post and saw the photo at the very end would have come to the same conclusion as well.

Well, simply put, 1st January 2010 was.... the day of my official engagement.

For most other people, 'engagement' involves having the guy getting down on one knee with a wedding ring and saying the magic words, 'Hi, do you want to apply for a HDB flat with me?' Yeah, I know, how romantic....

In the Malay community, though, engagement involves getting the whole big family over to the prospective bride's house to ask for her hand in marriage.

And it is the groom's mother who puts the ring on the bride's finger.

It also involves having the groom's family descend upon the bride's house with a whole bunch of gifts, with the bride's family returning the favour.

The whole process didn't take very long - just over an hour, to be sure. However, the preparations for the ceremony were extensive and required quite a great deal of effort.
And I'm not just referring to physical effort. The psychological process was pretty heavy as well on the both of us. Simply put, this was the day when we were no longer in the 'Secret Service' and when all my relatives got to meet her relatives for the first time.

My family.

Her family.

Truth be told I would have preferred had it been a really low-key event, but the way things work in my family, when someone gets married (or is even just planning to get married), it's almost like having the Jonas siblings perform in a stadium full of schoolgirls.

My female cousins.

My male cousins.

And to think this was just the engagement. The actual wedding, God willing, will be in exactly one year's time. Yes, you guys can see the significance of 1/1/11.

Nurhuda and I would thus like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who made the engagement a success. I'd also like to thank everyone who saw my status in Facebook changing from 'In a Relationship' to 'Engaged' and leapt to congratulate us.

The United State of Fudge - 2009 In Retrospect

2009-12-25T18:22:00.013+08:00

It's that time of the year again. It's the time where I take a retrospective look at all the thrills, spills and chills of anything and everything that I've done in the year 2009.

No es cierto, senor lechuza?

So let's do a (brief) recap of anything and everything that has happened over the past year, in rough chronological order:

1. You drive me.... crazy!

Passed my driving test.... on the first attempt!

........... Okay, okay, I almost failed. Happy?

2. Zhng my photography!

Got a Nikon D60 digital single-lens reflex camera. Happily taking better-quality photos now.

3. Operation Tigereye

I took ME5106 Engineering Acoustics and ME6304 Turbulence in Fluid Flows. Got B+ and A- respectively. Can't say that I really have anything to complain with the two grades.

In the case of Acoustics, for instance, I had to face off with part-time Masters fellas who actually do this sort of thing for their bread and butter. And this was really the first time I had ever studied Acoustics in any capacity.

4. My foot! My foot!

Got a bit of a scare when I had a suspected metatarsal fracture.

The really sucky part was that it occurred just four weeks before the Sundown Marathon. So I limped down to the University Health and Wellness Center and underwent a battery of X-Rays to check out the injury.

As it turns out, it was merely a pulled ligament. Phew.

On a side note, it was also an opportunity for me to learn that postgrads have to pay the full consultation fees. Grrr....

5. Sundown Marathon 2009

Otherwise known as my first attempt at awesomeness. Yeah, yeah, cut out the sniggering...

It kinda fell flat when it took me 6 hrs 6 min to complete the whole marathon, though.

Eh hello, running 42 clicks in the middle of the night while the rest of you sane human beings were fast asleep is no easy task, okay?!?!

6. 26

I turned 26 on 25th June 2009. Quarter-life crisis sets in....

7. Ah-Hee-Nee In Camp

Had to attend my annual in-camp training.

I actually contracted Influenza (A) H1N1 while in camp. Well, what did you think 'Ah-Hee-Nee' was?

At least this means that I won't need any further immunization.

8. Army Half Marathon 2009

AKA Fudgie's mini-attempt at minor awesomeness.

Unfortunately, I finished it in 2 hrs 20 min, which is almost 15 minutes slower than my personal best. By any measure that is certainly not awesome.

Bummer.

9. Operation Flying Colours

This counts as the last time ever that I would ever have to sit for an academic test of any kind. I took ME5301 Flow Systems Analysis and ME5706 Mechanical Engineering Oil and Gas Technology, and I got A- and B respectively.
That kinda surprised me as Flow Systems Analysis really made me sweat. To illustrate things properly, I wrote a 100-page term paper which contained only about 70% of what I was actually supposed to turn in. In contrast, ME5706 was like watching a Discovery Channel weekly series on the oil and gas industry.

Come to think of it, though, I have to bear in mind that everyone else would have found ME5301 to be a walk in hell, and I did pull out all the stops to prepare for the final exam (to the point where I went out and spent $37 on a calculator that can handle complex functions and simplify my calculations substantially). And as for ME5706, well.... half the class were working in the oil and gas industry full-time. Whatever I learnt for the first time in class was pretty much their bread and butter. In short, they had both prior knowledge and experience.

10. To Sir, With Love

I became a graduate student tutor this semester, tutoring a freshman module. It was an interesting experience, to say the least, because you get to see from an entirely different perspective the thoughts, feelings and hopes of undergraduates now that you're teaching them instead of being one of them.

And suffice to say that the shear force of it was bending me momentarily. Okay, lame pun....

11. Pulau Sakijang Bendera

I got attached to the Tropical Marine Science Institute on St John's Island (aka Pulau Sakijang Bendera) to carry out my algal biofouling experiments.

Yeah, it seems odd that a mechanical engineer like me is wearing a lab coat, peering through microscopes and examining algal strands via haemocytometer cell counting chambers. After all, what has mechanical engineering got to do with microbiology, no?

Well, if there's one thing that postgraduate research work has taught me.... if what you're doing ain't weird, then you're probably doing it all wrong.

Pictured: a living specimen of Ohmy whatadorkus

And two things I learnt about St John's Island: (1) the mosquitoes are special ops troopers that can punch through clothing, and (2) the stray cats there are unbelievably noisy.

12. Standard Chartered Marathon 2009

Since I've already talked about this ad nauseum, I'm gonna spare you guys the trauma of having to read my gushing of this wonderful end-of-year event.

*************

The bottom line

Uhh..... the bottom line? 2009 has had its share of spills and thrills. What I just told you represented a small fraction of the rollercoaster that was 2009, and for reasons of wanting to keep this blog straight and non-controversial I chose to leave out some of the more.... juicy details.

If there ever is a song (an unauthorized mashup, really, but a really fine one if I must say so) that best describes 2009, then it would be this:

Somehow, the 'chorus' of the mashup just kinda resonates with me:

Baby don't worry; it's all right, it's all right
When they knock you down, down, down
No need to worry; just get back up
When you're tumbling down, down, down

- DJ Earworm, United State of Pop 2009

In the end, no matter what life throws at me, it's still a life worth living. So long as I still have breath in my lungs and blood in my veins, it's all just a matter of getting back up when life throws you a knockout punch.

2009 was an interesting year, and I don't expect 2010 to be any less so.

As it is, something's happening on the very first day of 2010. Something big. Really big.

Yes, that is exactly what you guys think it is.

Updates to come. Watch this space.

Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2009

2009-12-11T22:49:00.005+08:00

Alrighty then, let's just do an overall recap of the Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2009 which I ran last Sunday. I didn't take any photographs, for the obvious reason that a camera is the worst piece of equipment to bring on a marathon. However, thanks to the great folks who make up the marathon organizers, I've been able to get some photos of myself and the race statistics to help me piece together what I managed to pull off.

4.45 am. My dad had just dropped me off at the War Memorial Park, in spite of my protests that he should be just sleeping it off in bed. Then again, we picked up some other dude who was on the way to the marathon as well. So I rode shotgun with a (paying) passenger in the back seat of the taxi.

5.00 am. I've already stripped down (to my race attire, you perverts) and handed over my baggage at the baggage handling counter. The volunteers seem kinda clueless about what they ought to be doing, but then again, they are volunteers.

5.20 am. At the starting line at the Esplanade Bridge, or ostensibly so. As the statistics would later show, I was so far behind the startline that it took a full five minutes for me to reach it after the gun went off. I start up my trusty iPod nano - I can't run without it.

5.30 am. The gun goes off. I cross the start line five minutes later. The first part of the route takes me down Shenton Way before I turn into Robinson Road at Temasek Tower. Dang, I haven't been to the CBD in ages - it sure has changed a lot since I was last there.

6.30 am (estimated). I've ran for about an hour, and I'm now at Nicoll Highway heading towards Fort Road. Horror of horrors - I can feel that I'm getting hungry. Power Gels in my hydration belt keep me going.

7.45 am (estimated). I'm at the 20 km mark, just short of the halfway mark which is up ahead.

From the official camera at the 20-click mark

I'm still running, but as you can see from the photograph, the strain is starting to show. I'm coping far better than at this point during the Sundown race, though. I missed the water point with the bananas earlier on, but never mind - I got a free Power Gel along the way later on.

9.00 am (estimated). Just passed the 30 click mark near Fort Road. Now the toll really is getting to me. Sharp cramps shoot up my calves, hamstrings, and thigh muscles. Even my butt and lower back are feeling the strain. I have no choice but to go into an alternating walk/run mode.

30 clicks. Now you can really see the strain on my face.

Which sucks, because my energy levels were still good, considering all the Power Gels I downed. That banana I had at the Stadium Boulevard water point helped too.

Whatever the case, I had to cut my average pace from 7min/km to 10min/km. I had to keep telling myself to not stop completely, or the cramps would incapacitate me pretty good.

11.00 am (estimated). Just passed the 40 km mark at the F1 Pit Building. This means that I've got just 2.2 clicks left to go. I suck up the pain and force myself to pick up the pace.

The sun, which had been hiding behind the clouds all the while, now comes out in its blazing fury. Sunscreen on my exposed limbs help to protect my skin, while I don't regret that little investment I made in Transitions lenses.

11.15 am. The end is in sight. It's just a matter of running around the Padang to get to the end point in front of City Hall.

So, in other words..... CHIONG AHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I gotta admit to lovin' the photographer's excellent timing.

11.16 am. Just reached the finish line after overtaking a mass of people. The strain on my calves was especially massive, but I always believe in a super finish when it comes to races. I can always deal with the cramps later on.

The most important part was to cross the finishing line in one piece.

And about bloody time, too!

Although they were giving out free massages at the tent, I didn't feel like hobbling across a muddy Padang to get some inexperienced fella kneading my sorely-cramped legs. I just made my way back to the War Memorial Park, grabbed my gear, and got on the first bus home.

A few days later, the truly brilliant organizers came out with the full breakdown of the performance of every single marathon finisher. And here are the details of what I did:

So yeah, as I said before, it took a full five minutes before I could actually reach the starting line when the gun went off. It's the chip time and not the gun time that really matters here.

And I guess I shouldn't be complaining too loudly about my results, considering that I beat about 55% of all runners. It just sucks that a net number of (665 - 152) = 553 runners overtook me in the last ten clicks when my legs had pretty much given up on me. My sole consolation is that most of the 152 runners I overtook were in the last 2.2 clicks when most people had completely given up all hope (some were even walking to the finish line at the Padang).

I even got to know exactly who were just behind and just ahead of me just as I was crossing the finish line, and their timings. And apparently, some dude called Tian Wei crossed the finish line the same time as I did.

The next image, though, is a bit of a bummer.

What this means is that when that Kenyan dude who won crossed the finish line, I was still about 25 clicks behind him at ECP.

Dang.

There is no charge for awesomeness!

2009-12-06T19:52:00.003+08:00

I have cramps in my thighs, hamstrings, calves, groin, and, uh.... the gluteus maximus.

I have to apply two huge pieces of koyok on my legs to help deal with the cramps.

Those verdamn cramps came at the 30-click mark, and as a result I had to walk much of the way for the next 10 clicks before I could run the final 2.2 clicks.

I have abrasions in both my underarms because I stupidly forgot to apply petroleum jelly.

I'm extremely worn out, and I was already sleep-deprived to begin with because I had to wake up at 3.30am to make sure that I could be there before 5.30am.

But all that pain was worth it.

Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2009 Finisher's Medal.

Total elapsed time: 5 hours, 40 minutes, 8 seconds.

That's not exactly the greatest timing on earth, considering that the world record for the full marathon is equal to my half-marathon personal record. However, this 5hr 40 min is important to me, for it means that I shaved off 30 minutes from my Sundown Marathon timing.

So please excuse me for the terrible timing.

Just let me feel awesome for now, yah?

The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody

2009-12-04T11:28:00.006+08:00

Fans of Queen are gonna kill me for posting this....... but really, this is just way past awesome.....

Animal's 'Mamaaaaa.......' part was strangely........ moving.

Many thanks to Ken for pointing me to this brilliant spoof.

Operation Flying Colours

2009-11-10T23:09:00.007+08:00

For those of you guys who are no longer studying, you might be laughing at me for putting up posts like this. But you know that has been a trademark of mine since I first joined NUS five years ago.

If all goes well, this should be the very last time in my entire life that I actually have to sit down and do formal written examinations. The truth is, when you're doing postgrad studies, no one really cares about your coursework grades, so long as you meet the bare minimum.

In my case, a CAP of anything above 3.5 is enough to see me through. My current CAP is 4.13, which means that I just need a total of 4.5 points from my final two modules to meet that target. In other words, a C+ for both modules oughta be more than enough.

But of course, I'm not aiming for the bare minimum. I'm aiming to fly. I'm aiming for flying colours.

First Objective: ME5706 Mechanical Engineering Oil and Gas Technology D-Day 211109

Truth be told, this module really feels more like a Level 1000 GEK module than a Level 5000 mechanical engineering postgraduate module. You get questions like 'Draw a drilling rig and label all the important components of the rig' and stuff like that. No kidding.

What makes this module tricky is that it's a closed-book module. While that factor substantially reduces the difficulty of the paper, it also means that it's a major test of memorization power. Forget one little detail, and you may not be able to properly answer the question.

In addition, you get all sorts of funny jargon that only this industry seems to use. You don't 'insert' a drill pipe and bit, you 'trip in' the 'drill string'. A broken pipe downhole is a 'fish', and a 'wildcat' is not an animal at all. You get the point. And they don't seem to bother about using SI units.

It doesn't help that I'm facing up against part-time fellas who work full-time in the industry. Yikes.

Second Objective: ME5301 Flow Systems Analysis D-Day: 011209

This is the final formal exam paper that I would have to take, even though it isn't the final chapter of this operation. This module is pretty much a scaled-up version of the Unsteady Flow section of the ME3231 module that I took in my third year of undergraduate studies.

The hard part, predictably, was the 'scaling-up' factor. Let's just say that I had to write a 100-page term paper for my continual assessment, of which 16 pages were nothing but C Programming code to simulate the flow in a pipeline.

And the sad part? I couldn't get the full output.

Ah, well Fudgie..... sometimes in life, you really just gotta let go....

Final Objective: Doctor of Philosophy Written Qualifying Examination D-Day: 060110

Otherwise known as the 'Written QE'. From what I'm told, it's really just a short and simple paper which most people can clear without much difficulty.

But of course, I'm not taking it lightly. This is all the more so considering the drawbacks of actually screwing up the paper, namely..... instant excommunication from NUS.

What a way to pile on the pressure.

Medik Awas

2009-10-22T19:54:00.002+08:00

Note: This is really not an advertisement. I'm not getting paid to say all this. No, really. I just think that this is pretty cool.

Last night I received a package from the United States.

Home address pixellated out. For obvious reasons.

Once I saw the package, I instantly knew what it was: a ROAD ID bracelet. I had placed an order for it just a couple of weeks ago after my last identification bracelet (a local-made rubber bracelet) snapped while I was removing it prior to taking my wudhu'.

The ROAD ID, on the other hand, will never encounter such problems. I simply velcro it onto my wrist.

IC number, medical information, and next-of-kin information all pixellated out.

Well, it cost me a pretty penny. US$22.50, to be precise (that's about SGD$31.50). However, the way I see it, it's a worthwhile little investment.

Every SAF medic and SCDF paramedic is trained to look out for these identification tags, known as Medik Awas ('Medic Alert') tags. They allow first responders to instantly figure out your identity and crucial medical information (blood type, existing medical problems, etc) in case if you've been in an accident and are unable to talk to them.

Why such an identification tag is so important to me is that as you guys know, I often go jogging on weekday nights and Saturday mornings. I don't feel too comfortable about bringing along my IC while I'm running, and in any case I try to minimize my load where possible. Like it or not, there's always a chance that something might happen to me while I'm out on my runs, and I don't want the authorities to be scratching their heads over who I am and how to contact my next-of-kin should the crap just hit the fan.

So to all medics and paramedics, now you know what a Medik Awas tag looks like.

And to all those who regular train for long-distance runs and other events, you might seriously want to consider getting this sort of thing. Really.

Food for Thought

2009-09-19T14:06:00.014+08:00

I've got one 100-page term paper and two 30-page term papers to tackle in all. However, I just find myself having to really, really take some time off to talk about one incredibly hilarious piece of news that has been making its rounds around the world.

To sum it up: the Malaysian Tourism Minister has claimed that other countries have been 'hijacking' Malaysian cuisine and passing it off as their own. Among the dishes she stated are chilli crab, Hainanese chicken rice, 'all types of laksa', nasi lemak, and bak kut teh.

Okay, I'll leave you guys for a while to digest (no pun intended) what she said.

.........

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Please raise your hands if you didn't find that assertion as hilarious as it is ridiculous. The thing is, no one can ever really lay a claim as to exactly what food belongs to what country. As K F Seetoh of Makansutra has said when asked to throw in his dua sen on this issue, you cannot claim ownership of any food per se, but you can only associate food with a particular region.

And I fully agree. Burgers and hot dogs, for instance, are often associated with the US of A. But what if I were to say that these foods actually originated from Hamburg and Frankfurt (well, how did you think the words hamburger and frankfurter came about, anyway)? Are we going to have some German minister thumping his fist in the Bundestag and laying an exclusive claim to them, then?

For that matter, sandwiches are widely attributed to John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich. The story goes that he would ask his servants to bring him meat stuffed between two slices of bread during his protracted gambling sessions. Soon enough, his gambling kakis started asking his servants to 'Bring me whatever Sandwich is having!'

So I guess we all ought to start paying royalties to the descendants of Lord Sandwich. Wee.

Even spaghetti is not exactly Italian in origin. It has its origins in China, and Marco Polo was the one who brought it back to Venice (and the rest of Italy).

Like it or not, when it comes to food, no particular region or country can ever claim to 'own' any particular food. This is all the more so with Malaysia and Singapore, who both have a shared heritage. Much of the cuisine of the two countries is quite similar precisely because we both have large populations descended from faraway shores.

Roti prata (as is known in Singapore) and roti canai (the Malaysian name) both have their origins in India as a flatbread known as paratha. We don't hear the Indians claiming exclusive ownership of paratha, because they know that the varieties in Singapore and Malaysia were brought along by our Indian forefathers to our shores.

So, yeah, I find it amazing that the Malaysian Tourism Minister can actually lay claim to Hainanese chicken rice with a straight face. Bolded italics for emphasis.

And this.... is the reason why.

And laksa, 'it all its forms'? Well, I am fully aware of Malaysian varieties of laksa (I ate Penang laksa when I was in Penang), but last I heard, Katong is in the eastern part of Singapore. So I suppose our minister here wants to lay claim to Katong laksa as well?

Woah.... all this talk about food is making me hungry. And I've still got a few hours to go before I can eat. I've already lost 6 kilos from all this fasting.

Just in case you guys didn't believe me.

After losing a solid six kilos of blubber from performing my religious obligations, I feel like having a real fine Malaysian Ramly Burger later in the evening as a reward.

Whoops. Am I supposed to refer to it as German?

**disclaimer**
I have no quarrel with Malaysia, and I believe that there are dishes like Penang Nasi Kandar, Terengganu Nasi Dagang, and Sarawak Kolo Mee with true-blue Malaysian origins. And hey, Malaysian Ramly burgers pwn the stuff that McDonalds' sells any day.

I just find it absurd that anyone can ever really claim total 'ownership' of any particular food.

BumpTop!

2009-09-05T23:33:00.003+08:00

Just a little something to share with you guys.

Introducing..... BumpTop!

I downloaded this nifty little application recently. Basically what it does is to transform your desktop into a really cool 3D environment for you to work with. It doesn't take up a lot of system resources, and once you get the hang of it, it's really quite fun.

Basically, this is what my desktop looks like now:

Just a small word of warning, though: while I successfully installed it onto my netbook as well, it tended to crash every time I tried to restart my netbook from Standby or Hibernate modes. And considering how often I have to use such modes, BumpTop is a pretty major liability in that case.

However, netbooks are for mobility and not for showing off, anyway. And it works perfectly fine on my PC at home.

Go try it!

Many thanks to Aaron for alerting me to this killer application.

Ahem, ahem.... AHM!

2009-08-28T22:09:00.003+08:00

Well, I ran the Army Half Marathon two weeks ago.

My preparations for the event were pretty rushed, to say the least. Owing to my work I didn't have the luxury of training as thoroughly as I could last year. It didn't help that I had both reservist training and two separate flu attacks knocking me off my feet.

If anything, I had a barbecue the previous night with the medics from my reservist unit. It took plenty of willpower to control the amount of food I ate - suffice to say that running a 21 km race at 5.30 am the next morning with a stomach full of barbecued beef and chicken is not the best idea in the whole world. So was the idea of staying up late the night before. In the end, I rushed back home and quickly put my race equipment together.

Yes, 9 Div/Infantry. Capice?

I had to leave home at 4.30 am the next morning so as to meet the 5.30 am start time. I ended up waking just 15 minutes before 4.30 am, which unfortunately led to my leaving home without breakfast. Luckily there was a Ramly Burger stall at the race carnival at the Padang, feverishly grilling burgers for morons like myself who left home without a bite to eat.

The race itself wasn't really as bad as last year in terms of the starting conditions. At least this time I managed to keep my feet dry throughout, which is crucial if you want to prevent yourself from getting blisters. And having all sorts of 'cultural performances' such as stilt-men and drummers along the run did make for a much more lively atmosphere than the Sundown Marathon.

Oh, and all the runners who ran past a certain water point set up by a Combat Engineers unit did a double take upon running past the point. Some poor dude dressed up as Optimus Prime was dancing by the sidewalk to the tune of Stan Bush's 'Dare'.

Something like this. Really.

'Dare', by the way, was from the 1986 Transformers animated movie. Just a bit of useless trivia.

Anyway, I was faced with a veritable traffic jam much of the way, and it wasn't until I hit Nicoll Highway (2/3 of the way) that I finally had enough space to maneuver. And by then, I had pretty much burnt most of the capacity of my ill-trained muscles, and it was already a major effort to keep up the pace, much less overtake.

So it was probably no surprise at all that I could only garner a 2:20:06 timing. Still not too bad, but that's about six minutes off my previous personal record of 2:14:11 set last year. *sobs*

The finisher's medal is always welcome, though.

Oh well..... I'll be running the StanChart Singapore Marathon at the end of the year.

Hope I can break the six-hour mark this time.

An...... Inconvenient Truth.

2009-08-14T16:09:00.003+08:00

I read a rather.... intriguing letter in the papers recently. Read the following article, and ponder its implications.

Taken from The Straits Times Online, accessed August 14, 2009

........

Okay, my reply would be something like this:

Dear Sir,

I am currently a postgraduate student in the second year of my studies. Like most Singaporeans who cannot afford private transport, I take the MRT to make my way down to campus every day. I carry a large Vertikal backpack every time I do so. Unfortunately, it sticks out quite a lot since it contains my laptop, lecture notes, journal papers, reference books and a whole lot of other useless items.

Reading your article, I can't help but think just what an inconvenience it is to my fellow passengers to bring my backpack to campus and back home every single day. Also, as it is taking up standing room for one person, I can't help but ponder the fact that one poor passenger cannot board the train because of it. It appears to be a potential security risk as well.

As such, I presume that it is only fair for me to simply leave my work at home and go to campus every day empty-handed. I apologize to my fellow Singaporeans for the inconvenience and security threat that I have posed to them on a daily basis thus far.

In fact, I believe that we should take this reasoning to its logical conclusion and bar backpackers and foreign tourists from boarding the train at the Changi Airport MRT station. It seems unfair that we allow their luggage to take up standing room that other paying passengers can otherwise utilize.

While we're at it, morbidly obese people, pregnant women, wheelchair-bound passengers, and leg-injury casualties on crutches should all be barred from boarding the train as well. After all, when you think about it, they all have the 'footprint' of two (or even more!) people.

I hereby urge the relevant authorities to place these thoughts under consideration. Thank you.

*********

Get my point?

(Alternate) National Day Songs

2009-08-08T17:59:00.007+08:00

With National Day just one day away, I just can't help but think of all the National Day songs, that I had to sing when I was just a little tyke. Five Stars Arising, Count On Me Singapore, Stand Up for Singapore..... you name it, I had to sing it. Strangely enough, I had to sing the last song during my BMT Passing Out Parade as well. I didn't pass out singing it, though. Heheh.

Okay, forehead-slapping lame jokes aside, I feel that it's a bit of my civic duty to introduce all my dear readers to six alternate National Day songs that have been making the rounds in cyberspace. Some are alternate versions of existing national songs, some are alternate versions of commercial songs, and some are entirely new songs altogether. So let's take a look at them, counting down to my favourite at #1.

#6. Things So Singaporean by Ann Hussein

Vocals by Ann Hussein
Lyrics by Judith d’Silva

Best part of the song:
The crowds in VivoCity
On weekends are just crazy
We love to shop we love to eat
Bring your tissue to chope your seat

This was a truly original effort by Ann Hussein and Judith d'Silva (I hope I got their names right) who actually came up with the song some time last year. It was only recently that their effort got noticed by the local papers, and apparently, it has been taught to kids in quite a few primary schools.

My personal take on this is that it's a tad simplistic, but the catchy tune is not to be sniffed at. And hey, when was the last time I ever composed my own song, anyway?

#5. A Love Song for Singapore by Mr Brown and Friends

No high-quality Youtube embed was found, but here's the original Mr Brown podcast.

Vocals and lyrics by Mr Brown, Ivan, and Mark.

Best part of the song:
The city’s changing every day
I saw a new gantry on the way
That is why I sold my car
Why the bus-stop so damn far

Another purely original effort, this time by the comedic genuises that are Mr Brown and Friends. The tune may sound more amateurish than the previous song (they used a guitar and a chair!), but then again, there's no doubting the heart that went into making this song. Its message resonated strongly with me - in spite of all the rants and complaints we may all have about everyday life in Singapore, at the end of the day, we're still in love with it.

#4. National Day Punk Medley by Isk, Hosni and Friends

Drums, guitars and vocals by Isk and Hosni
Additional vocals by their friends

Best part of the lyrics:
The National Pledge/We Are Singapore section of the medley

Isk and Hosni are a couple of Mat Rock punksters who like making punk covers of famous songs and posting them on Youtube (Jason Mraz's 'I'm Yours' was especially well-covered by them, go check it out on Youtube).

Anyway, for this National Day they banded together a few of their friends and got them to help provide some vocals for this effort. Even if you never actually liked the national songs, I think you'd agree with me that this is one solid punk effort.

#3. The Mosquito Song by Mr Brown and Friends

Vocals and lyrics by Mr Brown and Friends

Best part of the song:
Mosquito bite me
Now my ka chng itchy
I ask my friend to scratch me
Scratch me deeper down below

Sung to the tune of Kit Chan's 'Home', The Mosquito Song is rude, vulgar, and incredibly funny. Okay, some may say that it doesn't actually qualify as a national song as it doesn't refer to anything about Singapore, but hey, it's worth a thousand laughs.

#2. Le Kua Simi? by Mr Brown and Electrician

Lyrics by Mr Brown, Marc Nair and Samantha De Silva
Music Video Producer: Mr Brown
Music Video Cinematographer: Ryan Kwok
Music Video Editor: Shirley Eng
From the album Liddat Also Song (okay, this was a joke)

Best part of the song:
Find more ger at the bar
When they see my new car
You can feeling the tetno beat
My bass tube si beh tua

Electrico's 'What Do You See' is a refreshing new national song that was released this year. But hey, there's always Mr Brown and his gang to up the ante. Heheh.

To begin with, 'Le Kua Simi?' itself can be roughly translated as 'WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?!?!'. Think of some Ah Beng who rudely cut you off in traffic and exclaiming that at you, and you get the drift.

And with lyrics like 'when patience is a virgin, you must wait long long time', who can resist the pull of this song? Solid music video shot in HD, too.

#1. We Live in Singapura by Hossan Leong and NCH Productions

Lyrics by Edmund Tan
Vocals by Hossan Leong
Music Video by NCH Productions

Best part of the song:
IMF, must smile more
Want to protest, go indoor
LRT not so fast
NEWater they laugh at us!

It was a close call between 'Le Kua Simi' and this song for the position of #1. However, I have decided to grant #1 to this effort, which was actually presented by Hossan Leong during a live performance (I guess you guys have already figured that out) back in 2006.

The reason why is because I think this is the one song that truly resonates profoundly among all of us. Not only is it a brief recap of Singapore's history (Sang Nila Utama saw a lion, alamak, name the village Singapura then run very far...), but it is also an overview on life in Singapore currently (IR locals have to pay, foreign talents are okay, housing estate get upgraded by contractors who go pok kai....).

And I see this as two separate efforts, really: one was the lyrics creation/ performance by Edmund Tan and Hossan Leong, and the other was the killer music video by NCH Productions. A lot of effort and love was placed into it, and as such, it deserves to be #1.

With my Webbie and my Fudgie and me-e-e....!

2009-07-22T20:14:00.004+08:00

I'll be gone for a while.

This should explain everything to you fellas:

Everybody now:

Purple light in the valley
That is where I want to be
Infantry; close companions
With my rifle and my buddy and me-e-e.....!

Thinking About Sipping

2009-07-16T12:23:00.004+08:00

Just days after writing that long rant about inconsiderate MRT passengers who behave like gonorrhoea-infested babboons, a piece of news came out recently dealing with a related topic. Basically, SMRT is going to step up patrols on its trains and issue on-the-spot summons to passengers who eat or drink the trains.

Depending on how recalcitrant the offender is, the fine could range from $30 for first-time offenders to $500 for repeat offenders.

'Think Twice Before Sipping', TODAY, July 16 2009

Now, some might expect me to run around in joy in the knowledge that some of these inconsiderate morons are going to get their comeuppance. However, I find that this piece of news somehow fills me with sadness in two ways.

Firstly, once again, it reflects the poor state of our society. Simply put, we suck. Big time. This piece of news only serves to bolster the claim that we are a society of morons who simply cannot behave appropriately in public if there are no penalties for inappropriate behaviour.

Come on, people, do you really need to be fined just so that you can learn that munching on that burger in a crowded subway train is plain bad manners?

Secondly, I was very, very disturbed at reading this part of the article:

'...... a nurse in uniform, escaped with a warning - She spotted Mr Jamaludin [an SMRT staff] and his colleague just before she took a sip of water.'

On my part, I don't have a problem with going after bozos who eat durian puffs or sambal belacan on the train and stink up the whole cabin. Ditto those who eat ice cream and risk spilling it all over the floor. Since the actions of these people reinforce the aforementioned negative perception of Singaporeans, they fully deserve to have their wallet lightened as a punishment.

But if I read the above sentence from the article correctly, does it mean that if I have a headache and took some Panadol with a swig from my water bottle, I'm gonna get fined?

If I'm feeling faint out of dehydration, I have to step off the train first before I can drink up?

So.... I really have to think twice about sipping water on the train, no matter how much I'm really gonna need it?

Courtesy. No duh.

2009-07-04T12:17:00.005+08:00

Recently, a so-called courtesy campaign on our public transport system was launched. Its main purpose is to basically educate passengers on some really difficult courtesy traits such as 'giving way to alighting passengers', 'giving up your seats to the elderly', and so on and so forth.

And who else did they enlist for this campaign....... but the esteemed Phua Chu Kang.

Oh, and a highly-acclaimed rap video was made to drive home the message.

Sarcasm aside, I find that this whole campaign is a really sad reflection on the state of our society currently. If an all-out public campaign is actually needed to educate our people on basic etiquette while on public transport, then seriously, we suck. Big time. One would have thought that simple things like 'give way to alighting passengers' and 'give up your seats to old/pregnant/handicapped people' are positive traits that should have been taught and reinforced by our parents.

But then again, with some of the incidents I've come across while on the train or bus, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that there are nincompoops out there who still just don't get it and still persist in acting like filthy gonorrhoea-infested baboons.

Why do I call them that? Well, it's obvious that humans don't do these sort of things, and even baboons who do them are almost certainly afflicted with some kind of venereal disease out of screwing everyone else.

1. To those idiots who refuse to move in to the rear of the bus and the middle of the train carriage: are there ghosts in those regions which I somehow cannot see? Do my glasses require changing?

2. To those morons who sit on the outer portion of bus seats even though the bus is already crowded: there's another ghost sitting next to you, right?

If so, why are you knowingly sitting next to a ghost? You should call the Ghostbusters!

Who are you gonna call?

3. To those savages who try to push your way into the train even though people are trying to get out:

If I'm trying to get out, and you try to push your way in at the same time, then in the end, I cannot get out, and you cannot come in.

It's a very obvious concept, isn't it? Do you need a superhero to swoop in and tell you what to do?

Obviousman. No duh.

4. To those nincompoops who pushed me from behind while trying to board the packed train at City Hall:

Try to use those two round objects embedded in the front of your head. Those thingamajigs are called 'eyes'.

The whole purpose of those 'eyes' is to help you see that the train is already fully-packed.

These 'eyes' transmit that information to this grey-coloured matter in your 'skull' called the 'brain'.

And this 'brain' should then process the information and issue this command to your limbs: 'Screw it, let's just take the next train instead of shoving this bloke in front of me.'

If your 'brain' fails to issue that command, then please apply Newton's Second Law against your 'skull' to help reboot it. I recommend either a baseball bat or a brick wall for the purpose.

Sledgehammers work well too!

5. To the fella who shoved in my chest me just as I was leaving the platform for the escalator:

I know you are in a rush, but that gives you no right to shove me into my girlfriend, dammit.

And in the end, you still missed your train! You also had to contend with one extraordinarily-pissed-off Fudgester marching up to you and growling at you on top of that!

So, really, what was the point of shoving people and pissing them off?

Fudgie's Thousand-Watt Glare (TM)

6. And worst of all..... (I think you guys will agree with me when I say this is the worst of the lot).....

To the makcik who recited 'Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim' (translation: In the name of God, the Most Merciful, and the Oft-Forgiving).......

...... did you have to shove me from behind right after saying that while boarding the train?!?!?!

Do you have any idea what it means to invoke the Name of God before doing a pretty unholy act of shoving someone from behind just because you're too lazy to simply wait for the next train?!?!?!

Sheesh!

26

2009-06-25T00:02:00.005+08:00

My name is Muhammad Fadzli.
You may call me the Fudgester.

That would be me.
It could only be me.
Short yet lanky.
Not worth much to look at.
Hardly a sight for one to behold.

Yes, this is me.
Not too much to comment on.
Not exactly the big man around.
A laughable list of attributes.
A mockery to those who dare walk
In the pantheon of the warriors of the written word.

Yet, this is indeed.... me.
The only person I can ever really be.
For I can be no other.
I've seen things I don't ever want to see.
I've been through things I don't ever want to go through.
Yet this is the life that I want to live.

So.... why should I be me?
Some may say that it sucks to be me.
And I can't quite say that I disagree.
This scrawny little kid trying too hard
Wearing clothes too big for himself
While desperately trying to appear to be accepted.

I won't lie.
It's not easy being me.
But in the end, this is who I have to be.
If anything, this is who I want to be.

My name is Muhammad Fadzli.
You may refer to me as the Fudgester.
And this is my Web.

And today..... I am 26 years old.